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Transcript of I crashed out

Unlearned Wisdom by Johnny Chang

0:00Welcome back to another Main Stage. This 0:01is where I talk directly with my 0:03community. I tell personal stories, deep 0:05biblical learnings, and I answer 0:07questions directly from the chat. These 0:09episodes are audio only. So, thank you 0:11guys for listening and tuning in. And 0:13you can join my Discord to catch the 0:15next mainstage live. Okay, let's get 0:17started. Hello. How you guys doing?0:20Buddy's good. New place is good. It's 0:23still empty. And I don't know about you 0:25guys, like you know when you move kind 0:27of into a new place, it feels kind of 0:28foreign. It feels weird, you know? It 0:31takes a little bit of time to kind of 0:32get into, but I'm I'm starting to 0:35understand it a little bit and and kind 0:37of like that that it's just part of the 0:39motions, right, when you're moving and 0:41stuff. So, and then it feels like cuz I 0:44had to go back to the other spot. I 0:45dropped off the keys today, back to my 0:47old spot, and it just also feels weird 0:49to go back to it all empty, too. So,0:52it's like, huh? Again, the heart is very 0:54like deceitful in a lot of ways, right?0:56It's just very like like you feel good 0:59in one minute and the next minute it can 1:01change right away. So yeah. [sighs]1:03Yeah. All righty. Um I'm worried because 1:06I lost everything by trusting myself.1:07Yet I still don't care about God's 1:09heart. Am I broken? So we're all broken.1:12If you guys want me to be honest, too.1:14Like I don't care about God's heart 1:15either. Genuinely, right? Like I care 1:18about my flesh. I care about you know my 1:21my status, my my accolades. I care about 1:26my thoughts, my feelings. Uh, if I'm 1:30just being transparent with that at 1:31least, right? It's it's it's just the 1:33truth. Like, I just care about myself.1:36And so, yeah. Yeah. I I would say we're 1:38broken. We We are. All of us are. You 1:41know, don't think just because I have 1:43the title or like I have the authority 1:45here that I'm not like you guys. You 1:48know, often times the servants are the 1:51worst. Pastor Kim had such a good 1:54saying. And he was like, "The person I 1:56am on the pulpit is not the person I am 1:58in my bed in my home." And I was like,2:01"Huh?" And a lot of the times, honestly,2:04like I'll see pastor and I don't really 2:06see that side, right? Like I see sides 2:08of him where he'll literally make jokes 2:10and he'll be like kind of like abrasive,2:13right? But for the most part, he's kind 2:16of pretty consistent. And I'm sure you 2:18guys who spent a little bit of time 2:19around me would say that, too. However,2:22when we're in our thought though, when 2:24we're focused on our just alone, just 2:28genuinely alone, no one around us, just 2:31alone, I think all of us are really kind 2:34of off in a lot of ways, right? And so,2:37yes, yes, we we are broken and yes, we 2:41we don't care about God's heart, but 2:43that is actually the perfect platform 2:45for us to have God's heart, right? And 2:48and that is the reason why we need to go 2:51to God. You know, it's it's just 2:53important to remember that, right, guys?2:56I don't know what you think of me or,2:59you know, Pastor Kim says this often,3:01too. I don't know what you think of me,3:03but I'm really wicked. You know, he 3:05cried last time when he was preaching.3:09When I when I look at Pastor Kim, I I 3:12don't think there's a lot of blemishes.3:13Like, when I look at myself, look, I'm a 3:15lot more blemished than him. I'm a liar,3:17a manipulator, a, you know, narcissistic 3:21tendencies. Um, very, very traumatized.3:24But when I look at pastor, I don't 3:26really see that, right? I don't see him 3:28being a scumbag. Like, I'm a scumbag,3:30you know? I don't see him being like 3:33that, right? And so, when he was 3:35preaching, he started crying. You know,3:37it's very rare that Pastor Kim cries,3:38but he cried. He was like the one, this 3:41one thing set him off. He said, "I'm so 3:44thankful that God allows me to stand in 3:47this position when I know deep down I 3:49shouldn't be in this position." And he 3:50started crying that God died for a 3:53person like me. And you know, many times 3:55I'm like, I understand why I cry. I I 3:58know that I've cheated and I I've lusted 4:01and I've, you know, did drugs and I sold 4:04drugs and I manipulated and I and I hurt 4:07people and I carried guns and I lied and 4:11well all this stuff, right? But like I 4:14don't think Pastor Kim did that.4:17So like I'm kind of wondering how he has 4:19the heart. But I realized something. He 4:22knows something very clearly about 4:24himself. He knows that he's broken like 4:28you say brother and that he will never 4:30go to God. He he himself would never go 4:33to God. And on that level we are the 4:36same. Broken, not qualified and will 4:40never go to God. You know when I thought 4:42about that I was just like wo like this 4:44is kind of crazy. You know it's it's 4:47really wild actually. And so I couldn't 4:50understand at first why he would cry.4:53Same with Pastor Park. You know, our we 4:54have a head pastor who's who's the head 4:56of the whole mission and he cried too 4:59and he you know the worst thing he's 5:01ever done guys guess if you just take a 5:04guess right this is this man's 80 82 now 5:08I believe 81 82 and he's never ever his 5:13worst thing was he stole grapes and 5:17apples when he was like 10 years old and 5:20mind you this was Korea before Korea was 5:23K-pop Poppy and and you know first world 5:25country it was a third world country you 5:28know they would eat have meat once a 5:30month type of stuff right and my dad 5:33would say that they would even like eat 5:34the banana peel like that's how poor 5:36they were my dad's around his age not 5:38even he's older than my dad my dad's 70 5:41he's like 11 years 12 years older than 5:43my dad my dad would always say you guys 5:45don't know what it what it means to have 5:46poverty like you think the projects is 5:48poverty poverty is like when you you 5:50it's really bad and So he goes he's 5:55[snorts] in poverty and he goes I 5:57realized in 1962 how evil I was as a 6:00person and I realized that at the he at 6:04the age of 19 essentially he received 6:06salvation which is amazing right he 6:09received salvation but the one thing was 6:12he he he talked about it he's like I 6:14stole grapes in a time where you're 6:17really hungry now I'm like that's not 6:19even a sin like if you're hungry of 6:22course you're going to have to go and 6:23get food, you know, like what the hell 6:26like sin is like, have you seen what I 6:28did? Like I've done a lot of evil 6:30things. Gang stuff aside, I was a 6:32scumbag human being aside from the gang 6:35stuff, you know? And so when I when he 6:38was like, I'm so evil. I couldn't fathom 6:42that. I genuinely could not fathom that.6:46Right. I'm like, what? Okay, so you 6:50stole I'm I'm assuming he's going to be 6:51like, "Oh, I shot somebody, killed 6:53somebody, ran like, no, I stole some 6:55grapes and you know, I I truly was a 6:59wicked person." And I'm like, but I 7:02realized something about him. Again, he 7:04says it through faith because the Bible 7:07says we're all the same. Brothers and 7:09sisters, there's some kind of liberty in 7:11that. It's not to excuse a human being's 7:14behavior. But if you really think about 7:17it in front of God, you know, we're 7:19we're [snorts] we're not good people.7:21That's just a God honest truth. Uh you 7:23know how you are with your thoughts. You 7:25know what you are when people aren't 7:27around. You know the level of lust you 7:29have. I I don't know. I genuinely don't 7:31know you guys like that, right? And so 7:34it's difficult, you know, to to put a a 7:38finger on it. But at the same time, the 7:40truth is like it's even difficult to 7:43face that, right? But the truth is we 7:44are all nasty people. We we we really 7:47are. That's when I was able to see that 7:50why pastor cries, why pastor, you know,7:52Park cries, why pastor Kim cries 7:54sometimes because they reflect and they 7:56go, man, like I'm not supposed to be 7:59here, you know? So I also like really 8:02hope the congregation can have this type 8:04of heart, too. Uh because it's such a 8:07precious heart to be humble, you know.8:09So yeah. Hey pastor, I've been wrestling 8:11with how do I not repay evil with evil 8:13or giving someone my coat when they want 8:16my shirt, but also not being adorant.8:18Right? So this kind of today I think the 8:20theme today is is and I'm going to 8:22probably harp on this is um we only want 8:26to repay evil with evil because we're 8:29good. Right? If you're evil then and you 8:33know that you're evil, then that means 8:34you're just you're deserving of whatever 8:36is coming to you, right? But the reason 8:40why you want to repay somebody is 8:42because you don't feel like you're evil.8:44You're like, "No, you don't do that to 8:46me." Right? Which is a form of 8:48exaltation. Amen. It's a form of getting 8:51exalted. And so a lot of us what the 8:55Bible constantly harps on is there is 8:57none righteous know not one aside from 9:00Jesus.9:02Every one of us is either big brain.9:04Every one of us is impulsive. Every one 9:07of us is lying in some kind of way.9:09Whether it's to other people or 9:10yourself. Lying is still lying. Um a lot 9:13of us want exaltation. Meaning we want 9:15to be acknowledged. And if we're not, we 9:17get very ugly about it. It doesn't 9:19matter how much of a large vernacular 9:21you have. It doesn't matter how 9:22articulate you are and how good you are 9:24at covering things. Trust me, I'm good 9:26at convincing other people and myself of 9:29my own lies, right? So, that's normal.9:33We all can do that because it's a 9:35survival tactic at the end of the day.9:37Some of us are permanently stuck in 9:39that, right? And so, it's it's sad, but 9:42it's also real real, right? And so if a 9:45person is is truly wicked, then they're 9:48not going to really worry too much about 9:50how people treat them because they know 9:52that they're deserving of that. But if 9:55you want to repay evil with evil, if 9:57you're the type to get frustrated 9:59because somebody says something about 10:01you specifically or you know these types 10:04of things, right? Then you start to feel 10:07very very angry uh because you you feel 10:10wronged. So, it's not about being a 10:13doormat. It's recognizing that you are a 10:16doormat, but God has lifted you and made 10:19you a magic carpet. He made you 10:21Aladdin's carpet, [laughter]10:23right? We we're we're just a a nasty old 10:26doormat. Yes. But but God made you to be 10:29able to fly and soar and have magic in 10:33you, right? Which is the gospel.10:36So, for me, uh I try to remember that.10:40But even I, even I, right, as a 10:42minister, I fail too to remember like,10:45yo, bro, you ain't jack dilly squat 10:47respectfully. And people don't got to 10:49respect you. They could spread lies 10:51about you. They could spread truth about 10:53you. They could BS you. They could block 10:56people. They could do whatever they want 10:57to you respectfully. You ain't anyways,11:00right? Literally. And so that's the 11:04constant reminder that I have to like 11:06remind myself of you know and it's 11:10really you know not a big deal when you 11:12think about that right when you [snorts]11:14say like take advantage of your kindness 11:16respectfully your kindness is not your 11:19kindness it's God who gave you that 11:22kindness right and so if you acknowledge 11:24that then they're not taking advantage 11:26of you they're taking advantage of God 11:29because he gave you that kindness now 11:32when you think about things like that 11:33then you move differently. Understand 11:36what I'm saying. I just that kind of 11:38answers everything. I'll be honest,11:40right? And I'll explain. Boss said, "Hi,11:42hey, pastor. I just wanted to ask how do 11:44I stop reminiscing and caring about what 11:46my ex is doing. Feel like I'm just stuck 11:48in this loop and I'm just so tired of 11:50it, but I keep seeing her at school and 11:52it feels like the wound keeps just 11:54reopening." Right? And so it's because 11:56we have a expectation of validation,12:00right, boss? I I I I know. I know that 12:03you poured your heart into her.12:05Otherwise, you wouldn't be hurt like 12:06this. But you also have to understand,12:09right, the feelings that you feel, the 12:11the mental memories that keep looping is 12:14is rooted not in her hurting you. It's 12:17rooted in I'm a good person. Why did she 12:20hurt me? Does that make sense? I'm so 12:24good. I treated her well. How can you do 12:27this to me? That's the problem. But if 12:30you take what I'm saying here, oh, I'm a 12:33evil person. Then what happens is you 12:36start to look at them and go, man, let's 12:40say you're with her for a year. Wow, she 12:42spents a year with a evil person like 12:44me. You know, sheesh, most people just 12:46give up on me. I even give up on myself.12:49It's really sad, you know.12:51I think once we we truly recognize who 12:55we are, then we start to see that 12:59nothing becomes a problem. Genuinely,13:02nothing becomes an issue. But it's when 13:04we we think we're good. That's the 13:07catapult of all evil is you being good.13:11Uh Satan was good genuinely. Before he 13:14was Satan, he was he was great. a 13:16leader, uh, a guardian,13:19uh, very popular, beautiful, and so, you 13:23know, handsome, good-looking, wise. So,13:26definitely pro probably had tops cuz if 13:28he make music, he probably sing well,13:31you know. I mean, he he was just he was 13:33that dude. But one thing he failed to 13:35realize was he was he's only that dude 13:39because of God. He started to think that 13:42his good was was his blessings were a he 13:45deserved it. He expected those things.13:48Well, I'm good. I should get this. I'm 13:50I'm great. I should I don't see I don't 13:51lie like these other I don't do this.13:54I'm not, you know, lazy like this angel.13:56Like, you know, Archangel Michael,13:59[gasps]14:00man, you ain't nothing. You know, I I 14:03had to crawl so that you could run, man.14:05I laid the foundation for you, man. I'm 14:08the beautiful angel that they knew 14:10about, not you. Right? It's like he has 14:13pride, but the pride stemmed from 14:16something very real. It stemmed from,14:18hey, I'm a great person and you don't do 14:21that to me. You give me the throne 14:23because I'm good. Understand? Every one 14:26of us, our our most of our issues are 14:28genuinely rooted in this. So if we can 14:31understand what the Bible says about us 14:33that there is nobody good, myself 14:35included. And even after you believe,14:37you're not a good person.14:39It's Jesus and his blood that makes us 14:42good. Nothing else. Guys, I'm not good 14:45because I'm leading you guys to God. I'm 14:48not good because I have, you know, good 14:50articulation and I can break down the 14:52Bible. I'm not good because I can 14:55control my anger at points or let 14:57certain like I'm not good because I make 14:59the Bible simple. Do you know why I'm 15:01good? Because of God. If y'all knew who 15:03I really was, you wouldn't follow me. Or 15:06maybe some of you would, but a lot of 15:08you guys would be like, "Oh, hell no. He 15:11did what? He did that? No way. He did 15:15that? No freaking way, dude. No. Oh my 15:18gosh, he did do that. Whoa." Then you 15:22would be like, "Yeah, I'm good, bro."15:24Understand? The only reason why we any 15:28of us are good in here, brothers and 15:29sisters, is not because you're great.15:31It's not because you're intelligent.15:33It's not because you have a large 15:34vocabulary. It's not because you have 15:36accolades. It's not because you've 15:39helped people. It's not because you're a 15:41defender of our faith. It's not because 15:43you're even studied of the gospel. It's 15:45not because you know how to exede 15:46scripture. It's not because you've 15:48dedicated your life to some cause like 15:50global warming or, you know, uh uh uh 15:53sexual assault victims or, you know,15:55whatever it is, right? Like it's you're 15:58not good for those things. You're only 16:00good because of the blood of Jesus 16:02Christ. Aside from that, you get nothing 16:05else. And that that's that's what I had 16:07to realize. It's painful. Do you know 16:10how painful it is to sit there and go,16:13I'm not good. It hurts. It hurts a lot 16:18genuinely. But once you realize that and 16:20you really accept that, then nothing 16:22becomes an issue. Hey, if you're 16:24enjoying this episode, I have a whole 16:25other video episode on all platforms,16:28YouTube, Spotify, Instagram, all that 16:30every single Monday. Each episode is a 16:33gospel- centered lesson that you could 16:34apply to your life today. So, this is 16:37more conversational. You guys know my 16:39team, Jeremy and Aaron. We just have a 16:41lot of fun. We joke around, but we get 16:43serious. We get vulnerable. It's just 16:46very very different and it's beautiful.16:47I hope you guys can tune in and we made 16:50this for you guys. So, please enjoy.16:52Kind of feeling sad today, but I'm 16:54trying not to. Amen. So, hopefully this 16:56this will kind of cheer you guys up.16:58Okay. Hey, pastor. Good morning. Can you 16:59touch on James 21:19? Even the demons 17:01believe, right? Many works believers 17:04like Bri Stewart Jenko try to use this 17:06verse that faith and belief isn't 17:08enough. Sounds like workspace. Can you 17:10touch on it? Yes. That's a scripture 17:12that says, "Thou believest that there is 17:14one God. Thou doest well." The devils 17:16also believe and tremble. So, a lot of 17:19people think that this is contradicting 17:20what Paul is saying. See, belief isn't 17:22enough. Belief isn't enough. But you 17:25have to think about it. What kind of 17:27belief is James even speaking about 17:29here. So, he's talking about 17:33belief being one God,17:39right? He's actually quoting, believe it 17:41or not, Deuteronomy 6:4.17:43So he's saying, "You guys know the 17:45doctrine." He's talking again to the 17:47Pharisees, right? And the the Sodes and 17:49the scribes. He's saying, "You believe 17:51the right doctrine. Good. But even 17:53demons know that. They believe God 17:56exists. They know Jesus is Lord. They 17:57know judgment is coming. But are they 18:00saved?" No. Because knowledge doesn't 18:04equate to trust. Understand? This belief 18:07that he's talking about is more of like 18:09to believe the facts are true. Just 18:12because you believe facts are true does 18:14not mean you're actually trusting in 18:16those facts though. I know how to drive 18:20a car. I know that the accelerator is on 18:22the right and the clutch and the brake 18:24is on the left. Does that mean I'm 18:27driving the car though? No. Because 18:29there's no action or application.18:31Rather, it's just knowledge. I know how 18:34to swim, but I I can read a book about 18:37swimming and left stroke and breast 18:39stroke and, you know, doggy paddle and 18:41all that, but that doesn't mean I'm 18:42swimming, though. So, it's there, right?18:46Demons believe in God. Sure, but they 18:50don't trust in Christ though. They don't 18:53acknowledge that he will save them. So,18:56saving faith is not agreeing with facts.18:59It's not just believing the correct 19:00theology, knowing God exists. Everybody 19:03knows, a Buddhist knows that God exists.19:06What true faith is, resting in Christ 19:08alone for your righteousness,19:11right? So when you look at John 3:18,19:14right, he says, "He that believeth on 19:15him is not condemned."19:18Notice how it says, "He that believeth 19:20on him," not merely believing about him.19:23A lot of people believe things about 19:25Jesus that he was a good person that he 19:27may have walked on water. They believe 19:30things about him. But John says you got 19:32to believe on him. Believe in him. So 19:36these people are saying, "Yeah, we know 19:38about God. God of Isaac, Abraham, and 19:40Jacob is our God." He's like, "Right."19:41But that's head knowledge. Don't confuse 19:44professing with living in faith. He's 19:47saying, right? It's for people to He's 19:50diagnosing things. Hey, I'm a doctor and 19:52I'm letting you know that you you think 19:54you know but you don't. That's what he's 19:56saying. And they didn't like him for 19:57that. Obviously, if James meant, for 20:00example, what these other people are 20:02saying that faith faith must be proven 20:04by works to be saved, then he wouldn't 20:06use demons. That would be a terrible 20:08example, right? Demons don't follow.20:12Understand what I'm saying? And rather,20:14I would argue that demons would actually 20:15be closer to salvation than many people.20:17Wow. They believe more accurately.20:20They're way more knowledgeable. They saw 20:22God. They trembled. They recognized 20:24Jesus Christ as authority. Remember when 20:26he walked by, "Oh, no. Please don't send 20:28us." They know. So, actually, that would 20:31be a terrible example. It it works 20:33against people. Works don't save demons.20:36Works don't save people. Then you 20:38telling me that demons were saved and 20:40not unsaved. Like, that doesn't make 20:42sense either, right? So it would be very 20:44very terrible when people read faith 20:47without works is dead. They think faith 20:50works completes faith. No faith is 20:53complete in itself. It's completed by 20:55Jesus Christ. Nothing that you did. So 20:58yes, they are wrong in a lot of ways.21:00But then they don't know that, right?21:02Because they have good intentions.21:04They love God. I would say a lot of you 21:07guys even before you came to God had 21:10this idea of your own love for God.21:13I I agree. I agree. I think you guys 21:15did. But you loved him in your way.21:18That's the difference between 21:19knowledgeable things and actually like 21:22believing in God, right? Believing on 21:24God. We knew facts about God. And I 21:27would I would argue, and this is no 21:29disrespect to anybody here, a lot of us 21:32are, how do I say, we were admirers of 21:36Jesus. We we we weren't we weren't 21:39followers. We were admirers.21:42I I must say like even when I got saved,21:44I was like that for a long time, too.21:47Y'all understand what I'm saying? So,21:49yeah. Good morning, pastor. Takes a 21:51while to start. It does, bro. It does.21:53So, yeah. Right. Amen. All right. So, I 21:56wanted to ask pastor uh for advice. My 21:59pastor asked me if I would like to go to 22:01the hospital to share the gospel just to 22:03give a bit of my background. My 22:04testimony is that I was in a motorcycle 22:06and I became paralyzed. Mhm. But through 22:08this process, God found me. Amen. I'm 22:10going to be quite honest. I right away 22:11applied, but I don't know how to and I 22:14can't pray good enough. He told me to 22:18pray about it. Long story short, I'm 22:20going to do it and I'm still very 22:21nervous to do so. But I just wanted to 22:23ask uh for advice. Sorry. Thank you.22:26Sorry. Try to keep it short. No worries.22:28That was great. Um I think what you have 22:30to do, sister, is just tell your 22:32testimony. Hey, you're you're living 22:35proof of it, Eileen. Please don't get 22:37high-hearted. And please take this, you 22:39know, with just the heart of me 22:41glorifying God. Many people in your 22:44predicament, sister would have given up 22:46on God. I've given up on God and I 22:49haven't even been paralyzed.22:52So the faith that you have is a saving 22:54faith, but it's a faithfulness of God.22:56It's not your own power. I can see it 22:59because if it was your own, you would 23:00boast about it. The fact that you don't 23:03know what to do, right, is a is is a 23:05beautiful thing. It shows humility. Now,23:08I think if you just shared your 23:09testimony,23:11you know, I I think that's okay. I think 23:14going in exactly how you're saying and 23:16going, "Hey, I'm nervous, but I just 23:19know that God saved me. I don't know how 23:21to share with you and if you what you 23:23need to hear, but this is what I went 23:26through." And talk about all the ugly 23:27things, the good things. Talk about it 23:29all. And answer their questions 23:32honestly. Don't answer even scripture.23:35Just be honest about it, right? Like, so 23:37how do you have faith? Like, do you not 23:39question things? You don't have to be 23:41like, "Oh, snap. Oh, no." You have to be 23:43like, "No, I still question till this 23:45day." And there's times where, yeah, I 23:47believe in promises that God is going to 23:49help me, but I also question him still.23:52And I think that's part of it, but I'm 23:53still here. And then they're going to be 23:55like, "Whoa, do you understand what I'm 23:57saying?" Like, you just have to be 23:59honest. That's it. At least with your 24:02with them, right? Amen. And so a lot of 24:06the times, you know, people will do will 24:08kind of try to be too like I got to be 24:11perfect. No, no, no. You're already 24:13perfected. God will work. That that will 24:15work. You know, Johnny, my question is,24:18my husband cusses and makes fun of me uh 24:21for reading the Bible. Is it wrong that 24:23I want a divorce? Yes. So, so again,24:26right, I want to be sensitive to your 24:29situation genuinely.24:31I know that it's difficult. Obviously,24:34that's painful, but I need to answer you 24:37carefully and biblically and I don't 24:39want you to rush into a decision. Right 24:42now, it it's different when your husband 24:44just disagrees with you and is 24:46uninterested in your faith, but when 24:47he's mocking you and kind of being 24:49demeaning and belittling 24:51something so sacred to you, right?24:54Obviously, this matters. So, you know,24:56there's death and life in the tongue,24:59right? in the in the power of the 25:00tongue. So words from your spouse can 25:04can be very heavy. They can either give 25:06life or they can straight up kill you.25:09So I don't think you're being too 25:10sensitive, right? Number one, I don't 25:12think you're crazy for feeling that. But 25:14feeling like you want a divorce does not 25:16mean God saying is not God saying get 25:18divorced, right? That's very pivotal and 25:21important. The issue is not I I don't 25:24think is your husband making fun of you.25:26I think verosis that the the issue is 25:28you want to escape the pain, right? And 25:31escaping the pain of a man who doesn't 25:33understand you. Escaping the pain of 25:35like you're trying to be right in your 25:37walk. And maybe some of the things he 25:38says is true and it's painful. And I'll 25:41explain why this is big because you're 25:44good. Because you're good. You know, we 25:48are to be mocked. We are we we feel like 25:51we deserve love. We feel like we deserve 25:54to be respected for our faith because 25:56we're following God. And that's why,26:01again, we're struggling with that. We're 26:03struggling with I'm a good person. Why 26:05the hell are you disrespecting me? Why?26:09I didn't do anything but read my 26:10freaking Bible, dude. I'm trying to be a 26:13better wife for you. Why? Why are you 26:15doing this to me? I understand. Trust 26:17me, I feel like that all the time, man.26:20I'm just trying to preach the gospel.26:21Why the hell are people being mean to 26:23me? Why?26:25I I know. I know exactly how you trust 26:28me. How many people mock me? How many 26:30people try to expose me or whatever it 26:32is and expose me fine. Yeah, I'm human,26:36too, brothers and sisters. I mess up,26:38too. I don't know what you guys expect 26:39of me, but I do mess up all the time,26:44genuinely.26:45But then why do I feel hurt, too?26:48Because I'm good. Look at me. I preach 26:50the gospel to many people. Look at me. I 26:53care about people's heart posture. They 26:54shouldn't say this about me. They 26:56shouldn't Catholics shouldn't say that 26:58about me. What? I I'm just telling 27:01people not to pray the Lord's prayer so 27:02that so that they could come to you,27:04God. What? Do you understand? I'm not 27:08doing anything wrong. But at the heart,27:10do you hear? Do you guys hear it? I'm 27:13good. I'm good. I'm good. That's all you 27:15hear genuinely. No, I'm not good.27:19I'm not good. So, yeah, talk about me.27:23Yeah, do that. What's the problem? Even 27:26if you're right, let's plate to that. I 27:29thought it was disrespectful towards 27:31God. Yes, it is disrespectful to God. It 27:35is. But Vto says, "How many times did we 27:38disrespect God, though? We disrespect 27:41him every day, dude.27:44Every day.27:46Every day. You may not think so, right?27:49You may not think so, but but or we may 27:52have different levels of disrespect, but 27:54disrespecting the Almighty God is still 27:56disrespect. It's wild. And so for me,27:59right, of course, you know, I have very 28:03evil thoughts, brothers and sisters, if 28:06you want me to be honest, I want to kill 28:07people. That has always been my outlet.28:11If you talk about me, if you make it 28:14hard for me, you think I'm going to let 28:16you just make it hard for me.28:19You think I'm going to just roll over 28:20cuz I'm Christian? Like genuinely,28:24do you know how calculate? We have 28:27people who are DAs. We have people who 28:29are in the system who can look up 28:31information who I can I have people on 28:34call who I can just send. Do you 28:36understand? There's a song right by Meek 28:39Mill. He said, he says, "Feels like it's 28:43a full-time job, not to kill people."28:47When he said that, I'll be honest, I 28:49resonated with that 100%. I said, "Dude,28:52for real, though. Feels like it's a 28:55full-time job, not to kill, right?" And 28:57I'm like, she 29:00facts, though, guys. But when I think 29:04about it though, I'm such an evil person 29:09for even thinking like that, right?29:11Obviously, right? You guys don't have to 29:13be, you know, beat around. It's true. I 29:15am such an evil person to think that if 29:19I can't confront something, I'll just 29:21wipe it out from from the earth, you 29:22know? Do you understand? So, every time 29:25I look at myself, that's when I humble 29:27down. It's it's funny when I think about 29:30the heart and I go through the motion of 29:32the anger that I'm sitting in. Then I 29:34go, "Look at me. I'm not even different 29:36than these people. If anything, I'm way 29:38worse. I'm way worse. I'm always looking 29:42for the shortcut. I'm always looking for 29:44the the loop around the loophole. I'm 29:46always looking for the running away.29:49Always.29:51And you know, I hate myself for that."29:53But I realized something, sister.29:56I realized, dude, it's because I think 29:59I'm good.30:01Yesterday, I thought about it, too. Who 30:05am I? Who am I truly?30:09I'm such an evil person. Last week, I 30:12got chastised by Pastor Kim. He said,30:15"Johnny,30:16I hope and I pray that God holds on to 30:20you and you can preach the gospel till 30:22the very end." You know, he just said 30:24that to me. And isn't that like a 30:27beautiful thing? Like, amen. But, you 30:29know, I I got mad when he said that. You 30:32want me to be honest? I got mad. Do you 30:35know what came to my mind? Bro, I am 30:37preaching the gospel. That's what came 30:39to my negative, stupid, pessimistic 30:42mind. Are you saying I'm not preaching 30:44the gospel? Immediately, this heart 30:46came. I hate myself because of that. I 30:49started to get buttth hurt. Do you 30:51understand? I started to get buttth 30:52hurt. He's giving me my flowers. I don't 30:55even know how to accept flowers.30:57I just think he's trying to be negative 30:59all the time. And you know, pastor 31:01didn't say anything. He just looked at 31:04me and he said, "It's okay, Johnny." I 31:07was just telling you, he's so soft. I'm 31:10just telling you, I hope you can preach 31:11to the end. No matter what you are,31:14Johnny, always remember that God made 31:17you righteous. No matter what you do,31:20Johnny, always remember that God loves 31:22you. That's all I'm telling you, Johnny.31:26And even if you're defensive, even if 31:29you're mad, even one day you leave, you 31:32leave the church, always remember,31:34Johnny, God loves you. That's what he 31:36said. How do you think I felt after he 31:38told me that? I felt stupid. I felt 31:39dumb. I felt like, man, this man loves 31:43me so much and all I know how to do is 31:45be defensive. What a freaking idiot I 31:49am. What a freaking fool. And you know 31:53what it is? It's all because I want to 31:55be good. And then as well as as much as 32:00Satan works, he works the opposite. So 32:03one day he'll want you to do something 32:05so bad and then the next day he'll be 32:06like, "Why the hell did you do it? Are 32:08you stupid?" He's he works on these 32:10opposite extremes of the spectrum,32:12right? And so right there, you know what 32:14what it said? Hey Johnny, you don't even 32:17deserve to be here. You're a fraud.32:19Straight up. You're nothing. And all of 32:22these people, they don't care about you.32:24And you don't care about pastor either.32:27So you you actually should leave. Last 32:30week, you guys don't know. I struggled 32:32very difficultly with just giving Cora 32:35the heart up completely to be honest.32:38Probably just, you know what I mean?32:40Like quitting in general. And I felt 32:43very bad for Jeremy and Aaron and the 33 32:45other people that depend on me and the 32:47thousands of you guys that depend on me.32:50I I genuinely genuinely I know I didn't 32:52tell you guys this, but I I thought 32:55about it and the reason why I wanted to 32:57leave was not because it was too much 33:00was because I was too good. I was too 33:03good. Too good. I wasn't I don't 33:07understand God and I want to understand 33:09him. too good in that it's been 10 33:13freaking years, man. I should know 33:14Pastor Kim's heart by now. It's been so 33:18long. What's wrong with me? You know, I 33:20had this heart, you know, deep down.33:22Truly, I had the I What's wrong with me?33:25Why do I still get buttth hurt after 33:27someone who saved my freaking life, man?33:30I genuinely felt like that. What is 33:33wrong with me? Seriously, what the hell 33:35is wrong with me? Am I so traumatized 33:39that I can't see any good? That I have 33:41to manipulate? That I have to lie? That 33:43I have to do these? Am I There's 33:45something so wrong with me. I just 33:46wanted to run away. I honestly wanted to 33:49just die. I felt like Elijah. Just kill 33:51me now, God. Should I make it easy for 33:54my ops to get me? Should I just go to 33:56their hood and walk around and drop my 33:59location and have foos come and slide 34:01and kill me and be that trophy for them?34:03I mean, sheesh. Wouldn't it just be 34:05easier to do that? Right then and there,34:08Pastor John calls me. Hey, bro. I miss 34:11you. It It was like God called me and he 34:16told me, he's like, "You're never going 34:18to be enough, Johnny." He's like, "For 34:21you?" Well, you're enough for God 34:24because God forsook his son for you. And 34:28he gave me Romans chapter 8 and he said 34:31verse 31-32.34:33I'll post it right. He said um what 34:37shall we say then to these things? If 34:40God is for us, who can be against us? He 34:43that spared not his own son but 34:46delivered him up for us, how shall he 34:49not with him also freely give us all 34:52things? I thought about that. You know,34:54I read I read this verse a million 34:57times.34:59Didn't understand the depth of this 35:01verse until Pastor John showed it to me.35:04He said, "Johnny,35:06you think you're not qualified, right?"35:09I said, "Yeah." He said, "You want to 35:11leave, right?" I said, "Yeah."35:14He said, "But 35:16he forsook Jesus for you. That means he 35:20chose you over Jesus." This Johnny, do 35:23you understand?35:25I never understood that. He said he 35:28spared not his own son,35:31but he gave him for you. He said, "How 35:35shall he not freely, meaning by grace,35:38give you all things, Johnny, [snorts]35:42all things?" He said, "Pastor Kim loves 35:45you."35:47He said, "He always talks about you.35:49Maybe not in front of your face, but 35:51Pastor Kim always says, you know,35:53Johnny, I don't care what people say 35:55about him. I don't care that he's a 35:57liar, manipulator. He did these things,36:01but Johnny is better than me. I was 36:03like, what? Johnny is leading people 36:06more than me. You guys don't know, but 36:09Pastor Kim was in my Bible study last 36:11Saturday, and he saw 900 people. He 36:15wanted to see what I was doing. And he 36:18didn't say, he just left. He didn't say 36:19anything. And he told Pastor John, "How 36:24beautiful is it for 900 people, you 36:26know, I can't even get more than 100 36:28people to sit down in front of me." But 36:31brother Johnny has so many people who 36:34are changing because so it must mean God 36:36is working. It must mean God loves him.36:40Yeah, we all know Jani manipulator,36:43evil,36:45you know, lustful, you know, um stubborn 36:48and but like how can you deny that God 36:52is working in him? He said something 36:55that really made me think because of 36:58Johnny, I believe in God more. Not 37:01because Johnny's good, but because he's 37:04so evil, God still uses him. Sorry,37:08guys. I shouldn't be this emotional. Let 37:12me get my composure 37:14out here. I haven't been this emotional 37:17in a while. So, I'm sorry,37:19but it's just very very it hits my heart 37:21a lot because 37:24uh I realize I'll never be enough and 37:26none of us will. And um because of that,37:32God will continue to bless us.37:35And that's what keeps us grounded.37:38I realized that if I acknowledge who I 37:41am, that I'm no good. I become free and 37:45I truly start to appreciate how God 37:49works. I have these expectations of 37:52myself to be a better person. But 37:54truthfully, I'm just human. The reason 37:57why I always feel condemnation, I I I 37:59discovered this last week and I want to 38:03share with you guys, but I wasn't able 38:04to share cuz I knew I was going to cry 38:06like this. So, I try to give it a week 38:07and I'm still like this. So, I'm sorry.38:10All I ever want to do is the lessons 38:12that I learned is to pass it on to you 38:14guys so that they become lessons into 38:16blessings, right? So, for me, I uh I 38:20realized the only reason why I feel 38:23condemned is because I'm good. What? How 38:27ironic.38:29How ironic is that? I only felt condemn.38:32Condemnation doesn't come to evil 38:35people. Condemnation 38:38is always Johnny, why are you not doing 38:40better?38:42Condemnation comes to good people.38:45Johnny, you're better than this. What's 38:46wrong with you? This is what I realized 38:49after 10 years.38:52Condemned people are always good. Who 38:56burns in hell? The Pharisees.38:59Do you understand? Because they're good.39:02Are you guys following me? realize when 39:06you sit there, you have this mindset of 39:10I deserve this, I deserve that, right?39:13And then when you don't get it, like 39:15let's say you have a thought like me,39:17I'll use a prime example, right? I've 39:19been saved for 10 years.39:22Why do I still feel negative and 39:25pessimistic thoughts towards the person 39:26who loves me so dearly?39:29Why?39:31Right? And I started to realize that 39:33that is because I'm a good person. I 39:36should not if I'm good, I should not be 39:39having negativity towards my pastor,39:42right? That's a normal thing. It's very 39:44subtle, but it's very evil because 39:47that's now an expectation planted by 39:50Satan. And he's telling me, "Hey,39:54you've been a Christian this long. What 39:57the hell is wrong with you?" aka you 40:00should be doing better, bro. You're good 40:03now.40:04Immediately he off of that cotail, off 40:07of that foundation, he starts to plant.40:09See, so you're not good. You suck. You 40:13You're a hypocrite. You're straight up a 40:15liar because of this. You teach 40:18everybody else to distrust your 40:19thoughts. Look at you. You suck, bro.40:22You're a fraud. You're stupid. What the 40:25hell is wrong with you? You know what?40:28You should just leave. Look at you. You 40:32hypocritical piece of human being.40:35Just get the f out and make your exit 40:38slowly.40:40What I realized was that condemnation 40:43came from 40:45you should be doing better. Aka you're 40:48good, bro. What's wrong with you? Do you 40:50understand brothers and sisters? What is 40:53wrong with you? You should have you 40:55should have done better. That's where 40:58condemnation is strongest. But let's say 41:00I sat there and I just went like this.41:03Yeah, I'm just pessimistic, man. Even 41:06now, I just I'm just dumb. Like, I 41:08acknowledge it. I'm dumb. I go against 41:10my pastor still. Yeah. Then what's the 41:13issue? What would be the problem?41:16Nothing.41:17And that's why I need to be in church 41:19cuz I'm so stupid that even after 10 41:21years my trauma has somehow stopped me 41:24from trusting my pastor who was only 41:27team Johnny. If you just acknowledge 41:29even with the Bible thumping sister,41:31right? If she just acknowledged, yeah,41:33I'm I'm I'm mocked by my husband. He 41:35shouldn't respect me. I'm not even good 41:36anyways. Then what is the problem?41:40Nothing.41:41So good is what Satan uses, not evil.41:44good to make you give up your walk.41:47Notice Satan cannot stop me from 41:49walking. Satan cannot. All he wants me 41:52to do, however, is make me forfeit.41:55That's what he wants. That is the work 41:57of the enemy, brothers and sisters, is 41:59to make you quit. He cannot stop me. I 42:03don't care who exposes anything. You 42:06cannot stop me. I'm going to preach. If 42:08it comes out that I'm this or I'm that,42:10if it comes out that I killed somebody,42:13right? If it comes out that I slept 42:15around, if it comes out like so what? If 42:18I go and I preach, I'm still going to 42:20preach. Maybe not to you guys. Maybe 42:22some of you guys will leave, but I'll 42:23still go back to the prisons. They don't 42:26know about me. They don't care about me.42:28I'm still going to preach. So, I 42:30realized, oh, Satan, you bastard.42:34You piece of garbage. You You just want 42:38me to quit. That's what it is. You want 42:40me to forfeit?42:42And to that I say, "No, I'm not going to 42:45do it." Just like I can't stop you from 42:49putting all these intrusive thoughts in 42:50me, you also can't stop me from 42:52preaching the gospel. Respectfully,42:55I can't stop you and you can't stop me.42:58That's it. I've accepted that and I've 43:00acknowledged that. Do you guys 43:01understand? Understand, guys? I'm a 43:04human being. I struggle with everything.43:07Every man struggles with with anger and 43:10pride. Okay, that's the truth. I have a 43:13ego. Of course, ego is not your amigo.43:15But shoot, to me, he's my freaking 43:17husband. Ego is my husband. Not even an 43:19amigo. He's not a friends with benefits,43:21bro. Is my husband. I lay in bed with 43:24ego. Lust. Oh my gosh. Stop playing. The 43:28women that come to me are 20 out of 43:31tens, right? If I'm being honest. And 43:35they're so crafty, right? Jeremy Aaron,43:38they see the DMs, they know, dude. bro,43:40like these women are crazy. And I'm 43:44like, "Bro, don't respond." And Jeremy,43:48I love him. He makes a lot of jokes. Bro 43:50is funny, but sometimes it's a little 43:52too. He goes, "But didn't Solomon have a 43:55thousand wives?" I'm like, "Shut the 43:57shut up right now, you idiot."44:00Understand? Who needs enemies when you 44:02have people like Jeremy around you?44:05Right. I mean, if you think about he he 44:07made a joke last time. I swear it was so 44:09funny, but it was so foul. [snorts] Bro 44:11was like, "What if I go up there and and 44:15God's like, "Hey, Johnny. Hey, Jeremy. I 44:17gave you like 15 wives." He's like, "But 44:20Johnny said, yeah, but Johnny also said 44:22we're not under the law." And I was 44:24like, "Jeremy, I swear." I literally 44:26punched him in the arm. He's like,44:28"Ouch." I was like, "What are you saying 44:30right now, you child?"44:32So, yes, brothers and sisters, we all 44:35struggle, right? You guys struggle, too.44:38We're all human. I'm not saying this to 44:40excuse any behavior.44:42What I realized is, oh, I'm If I 44:45acknowledge who I am, we're hiring,44:47guys. Core of the Heart is hiring, but 44:49listen carefully. We're not just 44:51building a company. We're building one 44:52of the fastest growing Christian 44:54communities in the world. In just a year 44:56and a half, this community has grown to 44:57over 3 million strong, and we're nowhere 45:00near done.45:00>> Our mission is simple, but massive. to 45:02build the best tools and resources to 45:04help anyone in the world get closer to 45:06God.45:06>> Our first immediate goal is to get a 45:08100red million people into heaven. So 45:09when we say we're hiring, understand 45:11this. We're not looking for employees.45:13We're looking for missiondriven A 45:15players that want to change the world.45:16Our criteria is simple. Don't show us 45:18what you could do. Show us what you've 45:19already mastered. Like if you want to be 45:21the short form editor, show me the 45:22millions of views you've gotten on Short 45:24Form. If you want to be the podcast 45:25producer, show me the shows that you've 45:27successfully produced. We've learned the 45:28hard way not to hire off potential. We 45:30just want to hire off of peer 45:31experience, people who have already 45:33proven that they can perform at their 45:34skill set at the highest level. We have 45:36jobs available in many different 45:38departments, media and content, live 45:40events, and marketing. We also have 45:42remote jobs and LA based jobs available.45:44If you're an A player that has mastered 45:46their craft and wants to do something 45:47that glorifies God, then please head to 45:49the link in our description and check 45:51out the job board. And lastly, if you're 45:52an absolute beast at something and you 45:54don't see it on the job board, please 45:56reach out. I mean, you know, you might 45:57be able to do it for us. It might work 45:58out. So, if you're amazing at something,46:00you don't see the perfect job 46:01description, just reach out. Tell us 46:02what you're good at. Maybe it'll work.46:04>> Genuinely, I can't do this without a 46:05team. So, I'm very thankful for anyone 46:07who supports the mission. I look forward 46:09to hearing from you guys. As a human 46:11being first,46:13then there's nothing that really matters 46:16except for the gospel. Guys, one thing I 46:19will always promise is I will never stop 46:21preaching no matter how blemished I am.46:23Guys, one day I may fall.46:26So many pastors in our church fell.46:29Seriously. Seriously. There's a sister 46:32who's part of a huge K-pop group now.46:34She fell. She was preaching. She was 46:37doing great. She fell. There's one 46:39pastor who led so many souls to 46:41salvation and did like a stadium before 46:44and fell. There's a a a sister a deacon 46:48who had so much money and on the side 46:51she was sleeping with multiple men and 46:53guys would use her. She was like a sugar 46:55mama. Seriously, but she was a deacon.46:57Do you understand? That's a high ranking 46:59position and she fell.47:02Understand? So that happens. But one 47:06thing I noticed about Pastor Kim's heart 47:09that's different from mine and also 47:11Pastor John's heart that's different 47:14is they're always so accepting of these 47:18people. Even when they fall, they're 47:21always open to having them come back.47:24It's weird. It's like me. I'm like, "You 47:27do me dirty, leave." You know, they're 47:30like, "It's it's okay." Because we all 47:32we all did God dirty in some way, shape,47:34or form, right?47:38You know, I was I was very graced by by 47:40God to be able to see this last week,47:43right? How condemnation is something 47:47that's just different, right? It's it's 47:50so different. It's so I don't know how 47:54to explain it. It's like you get 47:58condemned because you're good, not 48:01because you're bad. It's bad. It's It's 48:03backwards. I'm feeling condemnation 48:07because I'm I'm good, not because I'm 48:09bad. If I acknowledge that I'm bad and 48:13if you guys acknowledge that you're bad,48:15condemnation has no You ever heard when 48:18people go, "Man, these freaking serial 48:21killers have no conscience.48:23they just do whatever they want. It's 48:26because 48:28in their mind, I think they know that 48:30they're twisted and they've acknowledged 48:32that about themselves. And so even when 48:34people are like mean to them and like I 48:36hope you burn on the crowd, like they're 48:38just like whatever. Like it it doesn't 48:40affect them. And I'm not telling you 48:41guys to be psychopathic.48:43But what I'm saying spiritually 48:45speaking, we can learn to be like, "Huh,48:48it's so true. I'm tied down because I'm 48:51good." How many of you guys have been 48:53tied down because you're good? Oh no,48:55this person keeps using me, but I can't 48:57like be mean to them cuz I'm a good 48:59person. Like I just have to like be 49:01stressed out. I have to empty out my 49:04bank account for these people because 49:05like I genuinely love them. And like 49:07yeah, they don't love me, but like I 49:09have to love them. And it's it's really 49:11the root of the evil and all of your 49:13pain is because of the good, not because 49:15you're evil. If you're evil and you're 49:17just like, "Bro, don't ever use me 49:18again." Like f off. Then it ends right 49:21there. Oh yeah, you're a piece of sh.49:23Yeah, I'm not only a piece of garbage,49:25I'm way worse than that. Then nothing 49:27happens after that. Do you notice? Now,49:30I'm not saying throw out ethical code 49:32and morality. Okay, we still have to try 49:34to be good people. What I'm saying is in 49:38front of God, throw out your heart to be 49:40good and realize that, oh, I'm not good.49:43And Father God, thank you. Although I'm 49:45not good, you're good. And although I 49:48can't hold myself, you're holding on to 49:49me. And although I'm a person who's full 49:52of turmoil and chaos, you're the peace 49:55and the stronghold that I can always run 49:57back to. Hey guys, I want you guys to 50:01understand we're all broken in here. We 50:05are. We are. But because of that, that's 50:10what's going to keep you close to God.50:12That's what's going to keep you close to 50:14God. If you just acknowledge who you 50:17are, brothers and sisters, brothers, if 50:18you're lustful when you're here, just 50:19acknowledge that. Yeah, I'm lustful and 50:21that's why I need God. It's not even 50:25anything deeper than that. I need to 50:27stop this. I If you think you need to 50:28stop, it's because you're good. You 50:30think you can stop. How can you stop 50:32yourself? How? You've tried. You've 50:36tried, man. I tried too many times. I 50:40tried. Johnny, live better. Come on.50:43You're in a position of authority. You 50:44need to be good. Come on. And I can't. I 50:48get dragged so hard by my thoughts.50:52Amen. But it's really because I'm good.50:55That's why I'm trying to be good. Like,50:57bro, when did Johnny Chang ever be a 50:59good person? Like, when was I ever in my 51:02life? I think about it. When was I ever 51:05good? I was only good because of Jesus.51:08Brothers and sisters, Pastor Kim too.51:12He's such a standup human being to me,51:14but the way he sees himself, I don't 51:16deserve even being here to preach the 51:18gospel. Sheesh, that's so bars, man. I 51:21never understood him. I recently started 51:23to understand why he says that now.51:25Because he's evil.51:28He's evil. He is, I must say. Why?51:32Because he has the seed of sin in him.51:34Not because he talks about his wife.51:36He's always ragging on his wife, by the 51:38way. It's crazy. Not because of that.51:40Not because he lies.51:43Do you know why he's evil? Because God 51:45says that he was. And he was born that 51:47way. And because of that, that's why we 51:50need him. Are any of you guys good in 51:53your heart today? Yes. If it is, it's 51:56okay. Today, let's end that. Let's put a 52:00stop to that and let's just acknowledge 52:03we're okay and watch how many fights you 52:07just let go. How many things just if 52:10people who curse you guys, they're 52:12cursing God. Do you understand that? No.52:15Seriously, I want you guys to wrap your 52:18head around this concept. He says,52:20"Those who bless you will bless me.52:22Those who curse you will curse me. I 52:25will bless those who bless you. I will 52:27curse those who curse you. He says that 52:29too. Guys, it's very dangerous to to go 52:35against guys. I'll be on I I went 52:36against the church. I've had even 52:38thoughts of killing pastor straight up 52:40and I'll do it too. That's the 52:42difference. I don't just sit there and 52:44have these ideations. I'll move on it.52:47But you know what's crazy? Every single 52:50time I've had that thought, something 52:52crazy happens back to me. It's pretty 52:56scary. Genuinely,52:59something happens back to me. Every time 53:01I try to disrespect my brother who's 53:03also saved, my my James, my own brother,53:06something happens to me. It's weird.53:09Like, you're not going to touch my 53:10people, bro. You understand that? Like 53:13that? I get that so fast. Like, oh,53:16okay. All right. My bad. Oh, you think 53:19you're going to just cut your brother 53:20off? All right. Watch. Boom. And I'm 53:22like, oh, snap. It's really wild, guys.53:26It really is. Oh, you think you're just 53:28going to like Right. There's times where 53:30I like I I I don't want to talk to my 53:32brother, you know, or I'll be too hurt 53:34and I'm like I just close my heart. Oh,53:35you think you're going to close your 53:36heart to him? Okay, watch this. And it's 53:39crazy. During those times, I'm way less 53:42peaceful. I'm way more in turmoil. I'm 53:44way spiraling. I'm way I'm just sad all 53:47the time. And I realize it's because 53:50God, right, when you look at verse 33,53:52Romans 8:33,53:54uh 33:34,53:57let's read it carefully here. Who shall 53:59lay anything to the charge of God's 54:01elect? It is God that justifith. Now 54:03listen, God elected people. It means he 54:06chose people, right? And then it says,54:08it is God that justifith. Who should 54:11touch any of these people? He says, it 54:13is God that justifith. Do you know what 54:16that means?54:17It means if you have to be justified, it 54:20means you were a sinner. You were evil.54:23God justified you. Justification is a 54:26process of making being made right and 54:29just. Right? So we were evil. So he 54:32chose the evil people and justified 54:34them. Who will touch these people? Think 54:36of Paul who wrote this. Who is he that 54:38condemnth?54:40Who condemns you? He says it is Christ 54:42that died rather that is risen again.54:45who is even at the right hand of God,54:47who also maketh intercession for us. Do 54:49you guys understand how deep this this 54:51context is? You guys sin, right?54:54Honestly, don't you guys every day? Yes.54:57Right. And then people condemn you like 55:00Satan or people of Satan, people who 55:02want to hurt you, right? But he says,55:05"Who is he that con? Who can condemn?"55:07Basically, it is Christ that died. Jesus 55:10died for you, justified you rather, and 55:12has risen again, lives for you, and is 55:14at the right hand making intercession 55:16for you. Do you know why he has to make 55:17intercession? Because you mess up every 55:19single day. That's why God knew already.55:24He's pleading with God for us. Do you 55:26understand? So if Jesus pleads for us,55:29why then would we argue with ourselves 55:31or even expose or hurt other people?55:33Because you don't have the heart of God 55:35in you respectfully 55:37and or you don't know this.55:40Hello, keep going. 35-39.55:43Who shall separate us from the love of 55:46Christ? Shall tribulation 55:49or distress 55:51or persecution or famine or nakedness,55:54remember nakedness is what? Sin or peril 55:58or sword.56:00Think about that. What can separate you 56:02from Jesus Christ? tribulation. You 56:05going through something, distress,56:07distresses in your life, persecution.56:09People persecute me all the time. Fake 56:11false heretic. I had a uh George here,56:14George Jenko yesterday. He flew in just 56:16for our podcast from Arizona and flew 56:18right back out, right? How how how 56:20humble of him. Genuinely, he had all 56:22these things to do. And he was like,56:24"I'm here with the King Heretic." He 56:26said it. I was like, "Huh?" He's like,56:27"Bro, people be going off on you online,56:30bro. People be going off on you, bro.56:33You are the king heretic for real.56:35Everyone when when people it's like 56:37Johnny Chang and heretic is synonymous 56:38now because of these these clips, you 56:41know, how do you handle that? Right? He 56:43asked me,56:45does distress, does persecution, does 56:47famine, being hungry, does nakedness,56:49sin, does peril, you know, despair? Does 56:53sword, even guns, knives and weapons,56:56can they separate us? 36 is as it is 56:58written for thy sake we are killed all 57:00the day long. We are counted as sheep 57:03for the slaughter. Hey, get with the 57:04program brothers and sisters. We are 57:06counted for sheep and slaughter in our 57:08lives. And in you know we are also sheep 57:11for the slaughter. Your your family 57:13slaughters you every day. Satan 57:15slaughters you every day. But God 57:17uplifts you every day. 37 Nay. In all 57:20these things we are more than conquerors 57:22through him that loved us. Brothers and 57:23sisters, are we just a little bit 57:26conquerors? We are more than we 57:29overcome. Conquering means to overcome 57:31something and overtake it and make it 57:32yours. Right? You are more than that.57:35Wild. We are more than conquerors 57:39through him that loved us. Through who?57:41Him that loved us, God. For I am 57:44persuaded. I am convinced that neither 57:46death, so death can't change us, nor 57:48life, nor angels, nor principalities,57:51nor powers, nor things present, nor 57:52things to come right now that's 57:54happening, or things in the future, nor 57:56height, nor depth, nor any other 57:58creature shall be able to separate us 58:01from the love of God which is in Christ 58:03Jesus our Lord. How do we overcome? By 58:07the blood of the lamb. Is there anything 58:09that can stop you? No. Brothers and 58:13sisters,58:14this is the love of God.58:17I'm not saying this to be toxic and 58:19fake. There is nothing that can stop us.58:22It's too late. We have salvation now.58:24It's over for Satan and it's over for 58:26Satan's people. Now, some of you guys 58:28will come and go. Some of you guys will 58:31discover things and blemishes about 58:32Johnny Chang that you may not like. And 58:35some of you may discover things about 58:36other brothers and sisters in here that 58:38you may not like. People come to me all 58:39the time. That sister says this. Hey 58:41bro,58:43sister's coming that this brother slid 58:44into my DMs, man. He wanted to have sex 58:46with me. I've seen it all. Of course,58:48guys, this is a hospital. Everybody's 58:50sick. Understand? Church is a hospital.58:53Hey, bro. Like, uh, this brother wanted 58:55to marry me and like it was really 58:57because he wanted to have sex with me 58:58and it's like, and then he told three 58:59other sisters that he wanted to have sex 59:01with them. Oh, yeah. This is all here,59:02brothers and sisters. Understand, right?59:05Everything is true.59:08But so what? Why are you guys here? For 59:12a perfect congregation where nobody 59:14messes up? If you are, please leave 59:17because I I I can't help that. I can't 59:20control that. If you can't even control 59:23your sins, how can someone else you tell 59:25someone else to control their sins? And 59:27I'm so stupid. And I owe every one of 59:29you guys an apology for one thing. I 59:31can't believe I was going to abandon you 59:33guys because I wasn't good enough in my 59:36eyes. What a freaking idiot I am. I'm 59:40sorry. Truly, that's what I'm most 59:42condemned about. I'm sorry. I can't 59:45believe I was going to throw this all 59:46away. People like Jeremy who've poured 59:48their heart into me. I was going to 59:50throw it all away, man, and just 59:52literally retire somewhere, move to 59:55somewhere, another country, where I can 59:57live off of whatever I have saved and 59:59just die.1:00:01No. Honestly. Honestly, brothers and 1:00:03sisters, honestly, I'm sorry. I feel so 1:00:05ashamed for saying this to you, but I'm 1:00:07It's true. I'm so sorry. I owe you guys,1:00:11each and every one of you guys, an 1:00:12apology for this, but it was only 1:00:15because I thought I was good. I was 1:00:16going to leave a week ago and y'all 1:00:18didn't even sense it. Right. Y'all 1:00:21didn't even sense it. Right.1:00:23Right. That's how good I am at hiding 1:00:26things. Understand? Genuinely, brothers 1:00:29and sisters, we are not good. That is 1:00:33the root of all of your issues. The root 1:00:36of all of our issues are genuinely 1:00:38because we're good and we deserve 1:00:40things. When your kids don't listen to 1:00:42you, it's because you're a good parent 1:00:44and you should you feel like you deserve 1:00:46to be listened to, but you also need the 1:00:48grace of your child's heart. You 1:00:51understand? When your boss doesn't 1:00:53respect you, it's because you're good 1:00:54and you feel like you bend over 1:00:56backwards for your job. Do you 1:00:57understand? When you when you when 1:00:59you're not exalted in your in your 1:01:01marriage, it's because you feel like,1:01:03"Bro, I'm bending over backwards for 1:01:05you. I love you. Why aren't you doing 1:01:07this for me?" It's all rooted in good.1:01:10And it's all rooted in pride,1:01:12self-exaltation.1:01:14I realize that about myself, too. I 1:01:17realize that about myself, too. Hey, I'm 1:01:19a good minister. You guys should follow 1:01:21me. I should punch myself in the face 1:01:24for saying that. How How embarrassing 1:01:26for me to even think that. I'll be 1:01:28honest how embarrassed I am of myself.1:01:30You understand what I'm saying? You can 1:01:33try and punch me. I I won't I can't 1:01:36guarantee I won't hit you back. Okay.1:01:38But thanks for leaking that though,1:01:40guys. Genuinely though. Genuinely,1:01:44I was able to see all everything comes 1:01:48from me trying to to be good.1:01:52All of the root of our issues is we 1:01:54can't be checked and corrected because 1:01:56we're good. We don't, good people don't 1:01:57need correction. We can't handle 1:01:58disrespect. You know why? Cuz we're 1:02:00good. We need to be respected. We can't 1:02:03handle not being loved because we're 1:02:06such a we're such loving people. So, we 1:02:08should be reciprocated cuz we're good.1:02:10All of this, it it just comes from that,1:02:13guys. We all fall into temptation. We 1:02:15all fall into anger. We all fall into 1:02:17it. Do you know what you should do? Cry 1:02:19out to God. Don't try to get yourself 1:02:22out of it. Trust me, you're going to 1:02:23you're going to mess it up even more. So 1:02:25for me, I've learned that it took me a 1:02:28long time, but I'm learning that 1:02:30condemnation only comes to people who 1:02:32are good.1:02:34It never comes to people who are truly 1:02:36wicked and know that they're wicked. It 1:02:39always comes to, bro, you you know you 1:02:41should have did better. Now run away,1:02:43bro. You were lied to. Oh my gosh, bro.1:02:46Like you're such you've been so good,1:02:47too. Okay, run away. You know, not every 1:02:50marriage that that that I've I've 1:02:52counseledled a lot of people and not 1:02:53every marriage ends because of adultery.1:02:57In fact, I've seen many marriages bounce 1:03:00back 10 times stronger. Do you guys 1:03:03understand what I'm saying? I've seen it 1:03:05I've seen marriages bounce back to I've 1:03:06se mentored a couple and they're having 1:03:08a kid, right? This guy cheated on on her 1:03:12on her with her best friend. God, dude,1:03:15her best friend. They they owned a 1:03:18business together. And she got her best 1:03:20friend in as like an assistant and they 1:03:23were straight up having sex like for 1:03:25months. They'd come in and oh hey baby 1:03:28like and then leave and then have sex 1:03:31and then it moved from there to like the 1:03:33bed 1:03:34in their own bed. Imagine your own bed 1:03:37with your own husband and some and your 1:03:38best friend is in that bed like just 1:03:41doing the nasties. Like how painful is 1:03:44that?1:03:45Every person would be like, "Man,1:03:48right. I would I would She wanted to 1:03:51kill this person." But I said something 1:03:53to her. I said, "Sister,1:03:57would it be easier for you to hold on to 1:04:00your resentment that's making you drink 1:04:02every night?" She also went out and got 1:04:05even, right, was sleeping around with 1:04:07some of his friends.1:04:09I asked her, "All of that make you feel 1:04:11genuinely?" She's like, "It feels good 1:04:14at first, but it always ends up feeling 1:04:15like nasty and disgusting, and I hate 1:04:19him more because of it." And I told her,1:04:21"Sis, I understand.1:04:24I understand." Right. I understand. I 1:04:28think that if you talk to him, I think 1:04:32things can change drastically. If you 1:04:35talk to him and you, you know, he's not 1:04:38saved. This guy wasn't saved. And I and 1:04:40you and you show him an opportunity just 1:04:43one last time to forgive him and to say,1:04:46"I'm sorry. I understand whatever I did 1:04:49that made you, you know, close your 1:04:52heart to like get me back by cheating on 1:04:54on my on me with my best friend. My best 1:04:57friend since I've kn by by the way,1:04:59she's known this girl since she was 7 1:05:00years old, too. So that's like and she's 1:05:03like 30ome now, right? So pretty wild,1:05:06right? And so she sat there and she's 1:05:09like, "Okay, by faith, she just listened 1:05:11to what I said." And she's like, "I will 1:05:13preach the gospel to him and even if I 1:05:16after I break up, at least I preach the 1:05:17gospel to him." I said, "Amen." When she 1:05:20preached the gospel to him, he broke 1:05:21down. And he said, "Babe, I deserve 1:05:25everything bad for me coming to me." And 1:05:28yeah, I felt like this girl just 1:05:31listened to me more. she's, you know,1:05:35and I just wanted to feel like a man 1:05:37again. And a lot of the times, like, you 1:05:40know, when I had this business, like I'm 1:05:43working here and like you're just kind 1:05:45of bossing me around. And I felt very 1:05:47emasculated as a human being. And so I I 1:05:50I just wanted to feel like a man again.1:05:54That's what he said. And he's like, "And 1:05:57your your your your girl your friend,1:05:58she she I shared it. I just shared it 1:06:01with her." And then she was like, "I can 1:06:03make you feel like a man." And he's 1:06:05like, "I know this is painful for you,1:06:07but I'm being honest with you." Which 1:06:09she respected.1:06:11And at the end of it all, he he said, "I 1:06:15didn't realize 1:06:17how good of a woman I actually had." So,1:06:20was this necessary? Believe it or not,1:06:22brothers and sisters, it was it was 1:06:24necessary for him to go through it.1:06:27Through that, he received biblical 1:06:29salvation. Not only that, he they went 1:06:32and preached they went and preached to 1:06:35the best friend and the best friend 1:06:37received salvation. She felt like, "Oh 1:06:40my gosh, I'm so wrong." They went 1:06:42together and was like, "Yo, I can't do 1:06:44this with you anymore. We drew our 1:06:46boundaries. You're not allowed in our 1:06:47house. Obviously, we can't." But like,1:06:50I'm also praying for you to have that 1:06:52type of trauma where you can turn your 1:06:54back and literally hurt me who you've 1:06:57known for seven years. I've shared all 1:06:59of my problems with you. I've shared all 1:07:01and that girl was like, you know, I was 1:07:04always jealous of you. She straight up 1:07:06opened her heart. I was always jealous 1:07:07of you. See, look, you've had the 1:07:09business. You've had the money. You've 1:07:11always had the men. I I was always 1:07:13jealous of you. And I just wanted a 1:07:14piece of that. And you made me realize 1:07:17that through God, like I I don't have to 1:07:20be jealous. And you know, transparently,1:07:22this woman still struggles with lust.1:07:24She still like sleeps around here and 1:07:26there. And we're still doing, you know,1:07:28uh the last update I had was about 3 1:07:30months ago, but four 4 months ago, but 1:07:32she was like, "Hey, [clears throat] the 1:07:33ladyy's still lusting and she still like 1:07:35sleeps around here and there, but like 1:07:37at least she's trying." Whereas before 1:07:39she just home, she's known as a home 1:07:41wrecker. Like she got into like four 1:07:43fights because she would home wreck. You 1:07:45know, there's people who are serial home 1:07:47wreckers. Like it's something about a 1:07:49woman and I realize too it's because the 1:07:51woman wants power too to to sit there 1:07:54and have enough power to ruin a marriage 1:07:56to some people it's sick but it's 1:07:58powerful to them. They feel this heart 1:08:01of like yeah like he chose me over you.1:08:04It's this heart of like do do you guys 1:08:06understand what I'm saying? Like I'm 1:08:07validated like that your m my your man 1:08:10would break the covenant for me. Like 1:08:12look at how great I am. Like yeah you 1:08:14think you're all that? Like look at me.1:08:16And that's how she suffers from that.1:08:18Now people, you know, you can sit there 1:08:20and throw up and all that, but a lot of 1:08:22us are like this too if you're being 1:08:24honest. A lot of us are like this too,1:08:27where we want to be validated. We want 1:08:30to be validated. It's twisted, but it's 1:08:33true. And so it feels good to be like,1:08:37"Wow, this person is willing to like do 1:08:40something for me and risk this for me.1:08:43That feels great." Understand? It's 1:08:45twisted, but it's wrong. But it feels 1:08:48good. And so I was able to see that in 1:08:51that person. Everyone, everyone was in 1:08:53her ear. Man, you need to do this. You 1:08:55need to go. No, man. Like you need to 1:08:57show him that you're loyalty with him 1:08:59for 17 years. Like f that, man. Like go 1:09:03and get show him like be in your boss 1:09:05girl era, you know? And she went she 1:09:07slept with like eight people or 1:09:09something crazy like that. And she said 1:09:11I felt disgusting.1:09:13She had an abortion because one guy, you 1:09:15know, you know, made her impregnated her 1:09:17and she obviously didn't want she had to 1:09:18abort the baby. It was it was a bunch of 1:09:20it was messy. And so through our 1:09:22sessions as we unpack the trauma, she 1:09:24was able to truly grow from that. And 1:09:27through it all, yeah, this is how human 1:09:29beings are, guys. They're messed up.1:09:31We're messed up people.1:09:33When you're hurt, you do you go to 1:09:35extreme lengths and measures. You know 1:09:37that. Have you guys not done that? I 1:09:39don't know about y'all. I'm I've I've 1:09:41done that. I [snorts] went to extreme 1:09:44lengths, man, to do to prove that I was 1:09:46right, man. I I'll go crazy with it. But 1:09:50I realized, too, no, that's not the 1:09:52right heart to have. I realized I'm the 1:09:54same as all of these other people. And 1:09:57so that's how I was able to lead her.1:09:59Cuz to me, I was like, dude, why would 1:10:01you do that? Like two wrongs don't make 1:10:03a right. You know, I was like 1:10:04judgmental, too. My my heart. But then I 1:10:07thought about God's heart. I thought 1:10:09about God's heart. Father God, what do 1:10:11you think about this sister? She's being 1:10:13vulnerable. She's telling me these 1:10:15things. Should I just write her off and 1:10:17be hella mean to her? Should I tell her 1:10:20to repent? No. Rather, in this 1:10:23predicament, Satan is destroying and 1:10:25separating everything. That's what he 1:10:27does. He comes to kill, steal, and 1:10:30destroy. No, I think I think we're 1:10:32ministers of reconciliation as you know,1:10:35the Bible says. And so I I I just told 1:10:38her to reconcile out of faith and and 1:10:40they did. I was so shocked they did. I 1:10:45drive in my car sometimes still thinking 1:10:47about whoa. She just followed what I 1:10:49said and look at what happened. Dude, I 1:10:51didn't even have faith that they would 1:10:53reconcile. If you guys want me to be 1:10:55honest, I didn't even have faith. I was 1:10:57like, "Oh snap. I think they're going to 1:10:59actually be done." Yeah, this is kind of 1:11:01wild. But they freaking That's why I 1:11:04know God works through the servants,1:11:06guys. I know that whether faith or not,1:11:09God wants to work through the servants 1:11:11because what it took her to have faith 1:11:13to listen to someone like me to go 1:11:15completely against what society would 1:11:16have told her to do. Understand? And 1:11:19then to to experience it and three souls 1:11:21get receive salvation. I know Satan's 1:11:24big mad. I know Satan's big mad because 1:11:27of that, bro. Tried to like flip it all.1:11:30He tried to ruin three lives and he 1:11:32ended up freaking making them go closer 1:11:34to each other and closer to God. When I 1:11:37think about that, I can't help but say 1:11:38hallelujah. And in the same way, he 1:11:41tries to ruin your lives every day, too.1:11:43But guys, don't let him do that to you.1:11:45Rather go to God. Amen. I was able to 1:11:48think about this deeply. I love the fact 1:11:50that God is a is truly a God of 1:11:52reconciliation. So, try your best to 1:11:55reconcile everything, brothers and 1:11:57sisters. I know there's things online 1:11:58about me. There's, you know, movements 1:12:01in my character. I know sometimes I'm 1:12:02abrasive up here. I know sometimes you 1:12:04catch me cursing. I know sometimes you 1:12:06guys catch me like, "Yo, bro's a little 1:12:08materialistic." I know, guys. I have a 1:12:09lot of blemishes, too. Okay? I I do.1:12:12I'll be the first one to say it.1:12:14However, the one thing I hope you guys 1:12:16don't forget is that God is working 1:12:17through me, too. That God has given you 1:12:20guys unlocks in scripture through 1:12:22somebody as piece of garbage. Truly 1:12:24guys, I know I know that you guys are 1:12:26only here not because I'm funny or 1:12:28because I'm witty or because I'm 5 foot 1:12:30three or 6'1.1:12:33I believe you guys are here because you 1:12:35know that there is a Holy Spirit in our 1:12:38hearts that moves when I speak. I think 1:12:41that's kind of undeniable.1:12:44I I would say George, you guys watch the 1:12:47podcast. It was a great podcast. George 1:12:49is truly humbled a lot and he shares a 1:12:51lot of things in that podcast like three 1:12:53different occasions where I teach him 1:12:54things and I didn't realize he was 1:12:55listening. He was listening. He 1:12:57struggles too though, right? He goes off 1:13:00and he pops off, right? It's all that 1:13:02Celsius in his system. I swear.1:13:05But he's just always amped, you know?1:13:08But he he's learned to calm down a lot,1:13:10too. And he said, you know, Johnny told 1:13:13me about First Timothy not to quarrel.1:13:14And I and as soon as I quarreled, I 1:13:16realized I messed up. Johnny told me 1:13:18about second Timothy. Johnny told me,1:13:20"Hey, you do this. The Catholics are not 1:13:21going to like you." He He says it all.1:13:25Johnny changed my life by saying, "Don't 1:13:27trust your thoughts." When I realized 1:13:29that, it really did help me so much. It 1:13:32changed my whole perspective. He said 1:13:35that I was shocked. But if George Yenko 1:13:38opens my brain and he opens my heart and 1:13:41he sees all of the mischievousness in my 1:13:43heart, me wanting to have sex with 1:13:45women, me wanting to, you know, murder 1:13:48people still, me wanting to still do a 1:13:50line of coke here and there, which thank 1:13:52God I haven't. Thank God. Me wanting to 1:13:54sip Hennessy and run away, me wanting to 1:13:57quit on the congregation, me wanting to,1:13:59you know, make money and disappear. Me 1:14:02wanting to spin little narratives here 1:14:04and there. I don't know, whatever it is 1:14:06that's in my heart. me wanting to fight 1:14:08sometimes, me wanting to just go away 1:14:10and disappear sometimes. Do you think he 1:14:13would want to follow me? I don't think 1:14:14so. I don't think he would. If I'm being 1:14:17honest with you, I don't think any of 1:14:19you guys would follow me if you saw my 1:14:21heart posture. If you saw how 1:14:24manipulative I can be, how lustful I 1:14:26actually can be? Like James Ston was 1:14:29talking about, it was on our podcast,1:14:30too. And this will all be rolling out 1:14:31next week, right? He was like, "Bro,1:14:35the amount of lust I have is crazy.1:14:40Like, it's any girl can get it." That's 1:14:42what he straight up said. I was like,1:14:43"What?"1:14:45He's like, "Any girl if she's just 1:14:47willing like she can get it." And I'm 1:14:50just like, "Whoa, dude. You ain't got no 1:14:53standards." Sheesh. But he at least he's 1:14:56honest, right? I mean, honestly, at 1:14:59least he's honest, right? I rather 1:15:01someone like that be around me than 1:15:03someone who's like, "Oh, you know, you 1:15:04shouldn't be doing that." Like, I rather 1:15:06him be like, you know, he's like, I go 1:15:09out there, bro, man, I've I'm a 1:15:11straight, you know what he said? He's 1:15:12like, I'm a straight I'm heeden. I'm a 1:15:14I'm hedonistic,1:15:16right? He's like a heathen. He says, you 1:15:19know, I' i've done all kinds of things,1:15:21you know? He's like all kinds of things 1:15:22with multiple women and at one point.1:15:24I'm just like, sheesh, dude. But I 1:15:27respect that because that's somebody you 1:15:29can sit there and go, "Hey, you know 1:15:30what? Like I could relate to you." Now,1:15:33some of y'all won't say that, but you 1:15:35guys are the same. You guys are like 1:15:37that for the right people. Honestly, if 1:15:40a person is very good-looking and 1:15:42conventionally attractive and throws 1:15:43some attention your way, you'll be like,1:15:45"Sure, for sure." Understand? Right.1:15:49Obviously, the uglies, you're like, "No,1:15:50no, no. I don't want no uglies. You You 1:15:52stay away. I'm a woman." You know? But 1:15:54when it comes to like the guy who's 1:15:56fine,1:15:58cheese grater abs, you know, smart,1:16:00hilarious, beautiful smile, fine.1:16:04Fio 1:16:06any fine.1:16:08Then you're like, "Oh, it's okay, girl."1:16:10Well, you know, he has multiple. It's 1:16:12okay. I'll be in his roster. I'll be in 1:16:14his roster. It's crazy. It's cool. Why 1:16:17are you with him? I mean, honestly, cuz 1:16:18he's just good in bed. Like, and 1:16:20sometimes I need that, girl. I need some 1:16:23stress relief, girl. It's like, you 1:16:25know, you understand what I'm saying?1:16:26Like, for real, I need some stress 1:16:28relief. It's okay. I know it ain't going 1:16:29to go now, but it's okay. Like, it's 1:16:31like, dude, what the hell, guys? Too.1:16:34Yo, she's hella toxic, bro. She But then 1:16:36why don't you leave her, bro? Cuz she's 1:16:38fine, bro. She's got a huge butt. And I 1:16:41just Yeah, but she gives it up to like 1:16:43multiple men. Hey, man. I ain't worried 1:16:45about that, man. In the heat of the 1:16:46moment, it's nice. Like, I'm not I'm 1:16:49just like, damn, bro. I knew a guy. This 1:16:52girl gave him uh ganorrhea 1:16:55and he was like, "Ah, you know what he 1:16:57said? You know what he said? It's worth 1:17:00it." I said, "What?1:17:02It's worth it." And thank God it's 1:17:04curable. I said, "Bro, what the faith is 1:17:07wrong with you? You dog." And when I was 1:17:10like, "You're a dog." You know what he 1:17:11said? Roof roof. I was like, "Bro,1:17:13you're I'm done with you, dog. You need 1:17:15Jesus, fool, on the set." Nice, man. If 1:17:19you love biblical lessons like this,1:17:21then you would love my weekly Bible 1:17:22class. Bible class brings clarity,1:17:25community, and consistency. There are a 1:17:27lot of us who read the Bible, but we 1:17:28don't know how to apply that to our 1:17:29lives. Consistency also, a lot of you 1:17:32guys want to read the Bible, and you 1:17:33don't know where to start, how to start,1:17:35and therefore it kind of discourages you 1:17:37guys to read the Bible. So, every week 1:17:39at on Saturdays at 10:00 a.m. Pacific 1:17:41Standard Time, we go through one chapter 1:17:44and we break down every single verse and 1:17:47apply those verses to your life. And 1:17:49after the Bible class, we also do a 1:17:51group mentor session where it's you can 1:17:53ask me customized questions and anything 1:17:56about the class and anything about your 1:17:58own life. If this sounds interesting to 1:18:00you, you guys can check the link in the 1:18:02bio and use code wisdom to get 50% off 1:18:04your first month. See you guys this 1:18:06Saturday at 10:00 a.m. Pacific Standard 1:18:09Time. There's nothing like these 1:18:11mainstages. We cry in here. We laugh in 1:18:14here. We get angry in here.1:18:17It's kind of wild, huh? It's really 1:18:19cool. It's really cool that we can be 1:18:21ourselves. Hey, thank you guys for 1:18:22letting me be myself. Thank you guys for 1:18:25accepting me, too. Genuinely, I 1:18:27appreciate every one of you guys.1:18:29Honestly, thank you guys. And this is 1:18:31why I say we're family. Hey, I mess up.1:18:34I have issues. Yes. But at least none of 1:18:39us are judged by God. Now you can judge 1:18:41me. I think you guys have every right to 1:18:42do so. It's okay. But one thing is even 1:18:45if you judge me, God doesn't judge you.1:18:47Okay? That's what's beautiful. Even if 1:18:50you judge me, even if I judge you, I may 1:18:52judge you guys sometimes. Seriously. But 1:18:55God doesn't judge you. Understand? God 1:18:58doesn't judge you. He loves you. He 1:18:59cares about you. He really loves you 1:19:01guys. I can see it. for you guys to be 1:19:03led to the churches, led to this 1:19:04precious gospel. Oh, man. It's 1:19:07beautiful, guys. There's nothing like 1:19:10our congregation. I realized that. Even 1:19:12George Jenko was saying it. He's like,1:19:13"Bro, it's crazy how like 1:19:16everyone is." He's like, "I see so many 1:19:18videos on how they spin narratives about 1:19:20you." And I have videos of people 1:19:21spinning narratives about me. He's like,1:19:23he's like, "People didn't even know that 1:19:24I was Catholic and and all my other side 1:19:26of my family's Orthodox." He's like,1:19:28"They didn't even know that, bro. I'm a 1:19:30Syrian. They didn't even know that. And 1:19:32he he's like he hates Catholics. Bro, my 1:19:34whole family is Catholic. What are you 1:19:36talking about? He said that on the pod,1:19:38right? And and this will be releasing in 1:19:40about 3 weeks. And he goes, "And the way 1:19:42they spun it, it looked as if I hated 1:19:44Catholics. They went through all of my 1:19:46content." He said, "You know, it takes a 1:19:47different level of a human being to to 1:19:50go through all of your content and like 1:19:52pick and nitpick everything and then 1:19:54spin that narrative to then look like 1:19:56it." And I did see one where he was 1:19:58like, "Bro, Catholics, bro, come on,1:20:00man. You guys are freaking worse pagan 1:20:03worshippers, man. Come on." And it's 1:20:04like, it makes it seem like he hates 1:20:06Catholics. But he doesn't. He really 1:20:08doesn't. Do you understand what I'm 1:20:09saying? But anyone who sees that like,1:20:11"What? You need to talk about me?" He's 1:20:13like, "Bro, Mary is like just like 1:20:15relax. Why are we tripping over the mom 1:20:17more than like he he says things like 1:20:18this and they're like spinning the 1:20:19narrative of like look at this mother 1:20:21effort. He hates Catholics. He has an 1:20:23agenda against Catholics. He's straight 1:20:25up a demon. He said they they they they 1:20:28posted that and a gang of people he 1:20:30literally lost half of his his his 1:20:32following overnight because of this. But 1:20:36the beautiful thing is he needed that 1:20:37and I knew he needed that. And then 1:20:39later he said that he needed that. And 1:20:41every time he would come and talk to me,1:20:42we talked on three, four separate 1:20:43occasions,1:20:45I was able to give him the guidance and 1:20:46say it's okay to move forward to just 1:20:49accept that God is working and to not 1:20:51get up in these strives and contentions.1:20:53He's like, "Bro, they're bringing out 1:20:54things like about me in the past and how 1:20:56I, you know, slept with women and I'm a 1:20:58dog and like, but I don't care about 1:21:00that, but it's like that was getting to 1:21:01me." And he's like, you you'll hear this 1:21:03when he says all this. I'm like, "Bro,1:21:04who doesn't have a pass, bro?" I mean,1:21:07who doesn't have a P? Respectfully, who 1:21:08doesn't have a pass? Any of you guys 1:21:11don't have a pass? Like, come on. Who 1:21:13didn't Who hasn't had a one night stand?1:21:14Who hasn't had, you know what I mean?1:21:16Who hasn't slept around? Who hasn't, you 1:21:18know, did drugs? Who hasn't like I mean,1:21:21gosh. And if you haven't, good. It's 1:21:23because you received grace. More power 1:21:25to you. But you still ended up depressed 1:21:27like every single one who did do that.1:21:29So shoot. I would say you missed out.1:21:30Just kidding. That's wrong. I rebuke 1:21:32that. I rebuke that. I rebuke that. I 1:21:36rebuke Johnny Chang. [sighs and gasps]1:21:37That is wrong. I would say you missed 1:21:39out is crazy. I rebuke that. Okay. I 1:21:42rebuke it in Jesus name. Amen.1:21:46Had a lot of fun time. No. Nope. Nope.1:21:48No. No. No. Nope. Nope. Carnally minded 1:21:50is evil. Connelly minded is death.1:21:52Carnally minded is death. No, that's how 1:21:55that's how I'm I'm I'm joking, but I'll 1:21:57be honest here. That's how evil Satan 1:21:59is. Satan will make you enjoy certain 1:22:02things like that. Even though it's so 1:22:04hedonistic, even though it's so bad,1:22:07there's times where I think about that,1:22:08too. Like, ooh, that was good. And I'm 1:22:10like, what? That was good. Then why did 1:22:12I end up depressed? You stupid. You're 1:22:14so dumb, bro. You still don't learn.1:22:16Still don't learn, bro. Right, guys? No,1:22:19there's times where where if you're if 1:22:21we're being honest here, you're like,1:22:23okay, maybe just one more time that 1:22:25yeah, he was at this, but maybe like 1:22:27he's fine like like maybe one more time.1:22:30Gh would have been cool. Whereas a guy 1:22:33when like you just need that and then 1:22:34like kick him to the curb and he'd be 1:22:36like sure, you know, right? There's like 1:22:38that heart too. That happens guys. I 1:22:40know you guys have that. Not everyone in 1:22:42here, okay? But a lot of a lot of people 1:22:44are like that. I know. I know, guys. I 1:22:47know. This is a place where you can be 1:22:49yourself. Okay, I'll be myself, too. But 1:22:52look, that's why we're in the Bible 1:22:53classes. That's why we're here. That's 1:22:55why we need Jesus. Amen, guys. We are 1:22:57broken. If you acknowledge that, then it 1:23:00doesn't matter what people say about us.1:23:02It doesn't matter anymore. If you're 1:23:04there's lustful brothers, lustful 1:23:06sisters in here. There's angry brothers,1:23:07angry sisters. There's addicts in here.1:23:09I know some of you guys have not brought 1:23:10up that you're addicted to something. I 1:23:12know. And I don't expect you to either.1:23:14I don't expect you to bring up, "Hey,1:23:15Johnny, I'm addicted to I'm literally 1:23:17listening to you high right now." And 1:23:19that's okay. I I never I don't care 1:23:20about that, okay? Because God doesn't 1:23:23care about that either. He doesn't care 1:23:25about that. What he cares about is do 1:23:27you know that I love you even if you're 1:23:29like that? That's what he cares about.1:23:31Do you like Do you know that I love you 1:23:34even though you're like this? That's 1:23:35what God cares about. The whole Bible is 1:23:38a love story to show, hey, I love you. I 1:23:41knew you were going to be like this and 1:23:42I still chose you as a person 2,000 1:23:44years ago. I know you're lustful. I know 1:23:47you're angry. I know you're frustrated.1:23:49I know you're you're you're spiteful. I 1:23:50know you're evil. I know you gossip. I 1:23:53know you, you know, [snorts] watch porn.1:23:55I know you you you you drink heavily. I 1:23:58know you go and do drugs. I know you 1:24:00play women. I know you play men. I know 1:24:02you uh uh uh disrespect your mom. I know 1:24:05you disrespect your dad. I know you 1:24:06disrespect your children. I know there's 1:24:08times where you you wish you never had 1:24:09your kids and they're just baggage to 1:24:11you. I know that you you you want a man 1:24:14and and and because of that you're 1:24:15you're you hate men cuz you can't have 1:24:17it. I know I know that. I know that 1:24:18about you. And still I love you. Do you 1:24:21understand? You know, it hits different 1:24:23when you think about it like that,1:24:24Johnny. I know you how you are. I know 1:24:26you're lustful, Johnny. I know you're a 1:24:27fraud. I know you uh uh you know, carry 1:24:30guns before. I know you did drugs. I 1:24:33know you want to sleep around. I know 1:24:34you want to do all of these things. I 1:24:36know, Johnny. I know you hate certain 1:24:37people. I know you are pessimistic. I 1:24:39know you're negative. I know you're 1:24:41frustrated.1:24:43I know you think you're all that. I know 1:24:45you you like Lamborghinis.1:24:48I know you like diamond chains.1:24:51I know you uh you know what I'm saying?1:24:53I know you right. I know you're 1:24:56annoying. I know you think you're all 1:24:58that. I know you have trauma that you 1:25:00may not have healed from, but you're 1:25:01very good at masking. I don't know.1:25:03Whatever it is that's in me that I don't 1:25:04even know is in me. All of that. I know 1:25:06you're all of that, Johnny. And yet, and 1:25:10yet I love you. You know, when I thought 1:25:12about that, I was very thankful towards 1:25:13God. Lord, thank you, Johnny. Nothing 1:25:16even you cannot separate yourself from 1:25:18me. He's like, "You're tied to me,1:25:20buddy."1:25:22How thankful.1:25:25How thankful.1:25:26Pastor Kim says, "Don't do anything,1:25:29Johnny. Just live.1:25:32Just don't die. Because if you die, he 1:25:35said a lot of people won't receive 1:25:37salvation through you. [laughter]1:25:39He said, "Is it hard for you to live?1:25:41Just eat, pee, poop, sleep, wake up.1:25:46Eat, pee, poop, sleep, wake up." I was 1:25:50like, "Dang." He's like, "Hard or not?"1:25:54He's like, "Depult difficult? DPult or 1:25:58not?" I was like, "No, no." And then I 1:26:00I'm so mean. I I I want to say it but I 1:26:03don't it's in my head. I want to go not 1:26:06I want to answer him back like that but 1:26:07I know for sure I get the chunka to the 1:26:09face right so I say no no pastor 1:26:18but sometimes I want to be like a 1:26:19difficult 1:26:21very very difficult 1:26:24I want to do that but it's I I can't 1:26:26because um then I would be very 1:26:28disrespectful. I'm sure he wants to be 1:26:30like, "Oh, you know, listen people, you 1:26:34think you're so good." You know, like he 1:26:36I know he wants to be like that towards 1:26:37me for sure, but he don't do that to me 1:26:39either.1:26:41Oh, you think you I'm a Chinese paper. I 1:26:44am so good. Your fake ah kung fu movies.1:26:47Who the hell punches one guy and they 1:26:49fly 60 feet? Who the hell does that?1:26:52Kung fu don't do that. No, he's he's 1:26:54clowned He's clowned me for that before.1:26:56It's so No, I swear to you. He had a 1:26:58sermon where he's like, you know, with 1:27:00like Koreans, it's like why K drama is 1:27:02so important. He was straight up, excuse 1:27:04my lang. He was on Chinese 1:27:06dramas. He was on it and 1:27:08movies. He goes, you know, at least with 1:27:10us, we're very, you know, Korean people 1:27:12very realistic. You know, when we when 1:27:14they fight scene, it's like boom, they 1:27:16use a bat, boom, boom, and they punch 1:27:18and it's very beautiful and they use 1:27:19tewando and and then he he goes, but 1:27:22when you see kung fu movies, it's like 1:27:25one kick, boom, like 50. They fly 50 1:27:28yards.1:27:29He goes, you know, I don't know why. And 1:27:31maybe that's why Korean drama, you know,1:27:34it's very deep, you know. You know, they 1:27:37one one kung fu master, you he fights 60 1:27:40people. Like, come on. You know, like 1:27:42one he punched one guy, the guy runs 1:27:45into another guy, knocks him out, you 1:27:47know, and then and then does a backflip 1:27:49and kicks three people during the 1:27:50backflip and then climbs up a tree that 1:27:53no one can, not even a bear can climb 1:27:54up. And he's like, he's straight up. I 1:27:57was sitting there like, "Hey, hey,1:28:01I take offense to that." But it's funny.1:28:04It's just cool. Like he did this in a 1:28:06sermon, which I was like, "Dang." But 1:28:08I'm like, "Oh, now I know why I'm like 1:28:10like where I get it from. I get it from 1:28:12my pastor.1:28:14I I'm a clown like my pastor."1:28:17Mirror image of him. You guys don't 1:28:18think Pastor Kim struggles with lust?1:28:21You guys don't think Pastor Kim has 1:28:23thoughts 1:28:24that that of like, "Bro, this sister 1:28:26sucks. This brother sucks." You think he 1:28:29was never like, "Dude, Johnny's a idiot,1:28:30[clears throat] dude. You think you you 1:28:33don't think he he has that? Are you 1:28:34kidding me? He's He's He's s He always 1:28:37does those things. He always struggles 1:28:39with that. I love Pastor Kim. Don't 1:28:42close your heart to pastor, you know,1:28:44but he jokes around too a lot. He says 1:28:48things to me where I'm like, "Dang, you 1:28:50said that, pastor." [snorts] He'll say 1:28:53things like, "Don't translate that."1:28:54[laughter]1:28:58But, but that's real. He straight up 1:29:00tells the thing, "Don't translate that."1:29:03Understand? There's one time where this 1:29:05guy was hella just talking about 1:29:07himself, like a prayer worry, and he's 1:29:09like, "Oh man, this brother, man, if he 1:29:11doesn't change, he's going to burn in 1:29:13hell." And he's like, "Don't translate 1:29:14that."1:29:15>> [laughter]1:29:15>> I was like, "Damn."1:29:19I'm like, "Dang, pastor, what are you 1:29:22saying right now?" And then he's like,1:29:25you know, and then he he translate and 1:29:27what does he say? Oh, brother, I'm very 1:29:29thankful that you share your heart so 1:29:30well. But also, sometimes we have to 1:29:32learn to listen. I'm like, you didn't 1:29:34say that. You said if you don't listen,1:29:38you're going to burn, fool.1:29:40You fraud. You liar. Imagine if I did 1:29:43that right. Imagine that you liar.1:29:46No, but he did that to gain the soul.1:29:48Exactly. Right. So, I was like, dang,1:29:50that's crazy. Yeah. So, we're all 1:29:52frauds, too. We're all liars, too.1:29:55Honestly, guys, I'm serious. I'm not 1:29:56trying to spin a narrative here or 1:29:58brainwash you. I'm serious. Like, we we 1:30:00all will do something and not do 1:30:02something based off of the person that 1:30:04we're in front of, based off of the 1:30:06situation, based off of anything. We 1:30:08will do certain things where we're like,1:30:10uh, I don't know. That's why God says,1:30:12"Let all men be liars. Let God be true."1:30:15Understand, brothers and sisters. I'm 1:30:17meeting with Pastor John today, too. I'm 1:30:19going to take him out to eat. So, I miss 1:30:21him. You know, I I got to head out soon 1:30:24is what I'm saying. But guys, I think we 1:30:28found a 1:30:30amazing 1:30:31congregation. But more than that, we 1:30:34found the precious gospel.1:30:37precious gospel 1:30:39that me and you are not even equipped to 1:30:43preach. Neither are we qualified to 1:30:45learn. We're not even qualified to 1:30:47learn. We don't deserve it, brothers and 1:30:50sisters, we don't deserve it. Honestly,1:30:53we don't deserve it. And yet, out of the 1:30:56billions of people we heard this truth,1:31:01thank you, God. Hallelujah.1:31:04Truly,1:31:06it's so amazing.1:31:08So amazing. Us wicked, evil human beings 1:31:12heard this gospel. Do you know what our 1:31:15worstc case scenario is? Heaven.1:31:19Brothers and sisters, heaven.1:31:22The our end result is heaven.1:31:26So what if I get mad? So what if I even 1:31:30if I flip this congregation upside down?1:31:32Even if I left the church, my 1:31:35destination would still be heaven. Of 1:31:37course, I'm not going to because I know 1:31:39you guys depend on me. Not in an idol 1:31:41worshipy way, but you guys come here for 1:31:44life. And God wouldn't just let me 1:31:46leave. I know that. I tried last week. I 1:31:50couldn't bring myself to it. God was 1:31:53like, "Oh, you think so? I know your 1:31:55heart, Johnny. I'm just going to send 1:31:56someone who loves you, like Pastor John,1:31:59who gets you through and through. You 1:32:01think you're going to leave?1:32:04He's like, I felt like he laughed at me.1:32:07Oh, you're so strong. You're so strong 1:32:10by yourself, widow Johnny. You're so 1:32:13strong. Like I felt like he was doing 1:32:15that. You can go and live in this little 1:32:17world, this widow world, and make it for 1:32:20yourself. Widow, widow. Oh, you now had 1:32:24learned everything from me. Widow 1:32:27Johnny, you can lead your life. Widow 1:32:29Johnny. Oh.1:32:32Oh, you think you're going to leave and 1:32:34let go of all the stress, little Johnny?1:32:37Nah, bro. You're tied in. You're going 1:32:40to do what I tell you to. Sheesh. And I 1:32:43was like, "Yes, master. I'm sorry."1:32:46[laughter] Literally.1:32:48Oh, you think you think your life isn't 1:32:51mine anymore?1:32:52Oh, you think I'm going to just give you 1:32:54the gospel and then you're going to go 1:32:55and do whatever you want with it? Oh,1:32:57okay. You think so? Gotcha.1:33:00Well, you're going to die if you do 1:33:01that. Either way, you're going to die 1:33:03preaching the gospel. You don't think 1:33:05so. You I was really I was able to see 1:33:08that. I had the craziest thoughts. Oh,1:33:10maybe I'll just go to this country and 1:33:12just retire and just live out my life 1:33:14and live by the beach and just work out 1:33:17and, you know, do crazy stuff. I don't 1:33:19know. Maybe maybe, you know, like what 1:33:23thoughts did I have? Maybe start an Only 1:33:24Fans. I don't know. Maybe crazy thoughts 1:33:27were coming in my mind. No, genuinely,1:33:30genuinely, genuinely, I was like, I know 1:33:32I'll blow up on Only Fans cuz it would 1:33:34be a pastor who then switch like, "Oh my 1:33:37gosh, people would be crazy, right?" No,1:33:39right. Look, I'm If I'm being honest,1:33:41I'm psycho like that. He went from only 1:33:44faith to only fans. Oh my gosh, dude.1:33:46What the faith is going on with this 1:33:47guy? And some of y'all would subscribe,1:33:50you freaking evil people. We'll follow 1:33:52you till the end. No, do not do that. Do 1:33:56not do that. We'll follow you.1:33:58No, that's not the way to follow. Okay.1:34:02[laughter]1:34:04All right. He's being biblical. What do 1:34:06you mean? He's naked. They were naked in 1:34:09Adam. Like, do you It's like whatever it 1:34:11is. [laughter]1:34:13I'm dead as hell, dude. Honestly. Right.1:34:17What I'm saying is, right, I thought all 1:34:20these crazy things. Should I go back to 1:34:21slanging again? Well, I'm going to need 1:34:23money, so how am I going to get, you 1:34:24know, I go back to But I'm like, nah.1:34:28Or I can just acknowledge that I'm a 1:34:30piece of garbage from the beginning and 1:34:32I never was good and then it but it 1:34:34doesn't become an issue. [laughter]1:34:36Why? Why I have to go the long like why 1:34:38won't I just follow God? Like what the 1:34:40heck? Amen guys. We are not good. None 1:34:44of us are. And I don't expect anything 1:34:47from you. And you know what's even more 1:34:48important? God doesn't expect anything 1:34:51from you. If there's things that in that 1:34:54are in your life that are strug you're 1:34:55struggling with, just believe that God 1:34:57will taper it off when he wants to. How 1:35:00freeing is that? How freeing is that?1:35:03Honestly, how liberating is that? It's 1:35:05not You're not going to want to sin 1:35:07however you want. Because what you 1:35:09realize then is to go, "Oh, God, you're 1:35:11right. No matter what it is, you're 1:35:12going to work it out." No. Truly, guys,1:35:15he I'm a I'm I'm a miracle when it comes 1:35:18to this. I've stopped smoking. I used to 1:35:19smoke pounds to the face. Ounces 1:35:21honestly to the face, man. I loved weed.1:35:24I loved Coke. Eight ball in each nose 1:35:26type thing. And I would literally like 1:35:29it almost I got to the point where if I 1:35:30wasn't doing coke or if I wasn't smoking 1:35:34uh you know weed and I wasn't drinking,1:35:37I didn't feel normal. I actually needed 1:35:39to to get high to feel sober. You know,1:35:42it gets to that position where you're 1:35:44like broken like that. It's ass 1:35:45backwards. No disrespect. It's true 1:35:47though. You're like, "Dude, I I I'm not 1:35:50I don't feel right." It's It's just like 1:35:51when you wake up and you you reach for 1:35:53your morning coffee. I would reach for 1:35:55my morning bumpy. I would reach for I 1:35:57would smoke a Jay laying in bed and then 1:35:59get out and start my day. I would chain 1:36:02smoke in my car blunt after blunt to the 1:36:06face. Seriously, soon as I would have 1:36:09any after I eat, go out and or you know,1:36:11smoke a blunt. Boom. After I eat, smoke 1:36:13again. Genuinely,1:36:16everything I did was on it. One day,1:36:19seriously, after I received salvation,1:36:22God was just like, "You don't need 1:36:23this." And I genuinely didn't.1:36:27Genuinely.1:36:28So, there are things, brothers and 1:36:30sisters 1:36:31that you have in your life that you want 1:36:33to it to be tapered off. Yes. And you 1:36:37want it to end now. The lust that you 1:36:39have, I have lust, too. The anger that 1:36:42you I have anger, too. I have murderous 1:36:45thoughts. I have all these things.1:36:46Genuinely, I do. Everything that I have,1:36:49right, is really just like you guys, if 1:36:51anything worse. Genuinely, I'm worse 1:36:54than you guys. I'm just better at hiding 1:36:56it than you guys, I would say. And may 1:36:58maybe not even that. But those are the 1:37:01things that God tapers off. Like the 1:37:03weed addiction, he tapered off for me.1:37:05He he quit cold turkey. Cocaine cold 1:37:07turkey. Other things still struggle with 1:37:10time to time, but that's up to God is 1:37:12what I'm saying. Condemnation only comes 1:37:15to people who are good.1:37:17Like I wanted to run away last week 1:37:19genuinely. Why? Because I thought I was 1:37:21good. I thought how it's been 10 years.1:37:25How come I'm still struggling with this?1:37:27How come I hate, you know, pastor still 1:37:30when he says certain things to me? What 1:37:32the hell is wrong with me? And you guys 1:37:33heard me earlier. I was crying because 1:37:35it's true. And what Satan told me was,1:37:38"Johnny, you're supposed to be good by 1:37:40now, bro. It's 10 years, broki. What the 1:37:44hell is wrong with you? Are you stupid?1:37:46Are you Seriously, what the 1:37:48hell is wrong with you, man? Nobody 1:37:50likes you, bro. Everybody turns their 1:37:53backs on you, but you try your best for 1:37:55them. You teach the gospel to them.1:37:57Yeah, you're not perfect, but they have 1:37:58expectations of you to be perfect. So,1:37:59you know what you need to do? Because 1:38:01you're not perfect. You need to leave.1:38:03Guys, I'm serious and I'm so sorry, and 1:38:06I owe you guys an apology. Like I said,1:38:07and I'll apologize always for this. I 1:38:09was literally just gonna quit. I was I 1:38:12was gonna tell Jeremy and them and block 1:38:14their numbers. I was thinking of flights 1:38:17to move to a country and just dipping 1:38:19completely. 33 people rely on me. Forget 1:38:23that. Thousands, maybe millions of 1:38:25people rely on me genuinely to preach 1:38:27the gospel. And I wanted to quit. And 1:38:30then on top of that, I was I had a 1:38:31thought. Hey, if you mess up, right, you 1:38:34might you might die. Right then and 1:38:37there, do you know what I said to 1:38:38myself? then I'll die. You know, it got 1:38:41to that point where I was like, I'll 1:38:42die, too. It's okay. And if I die and I 1:38:45burn in hell for that, I'll die for 1:38:46that, too. It got to that position. That 1:38:49was full crash mode. And none of you 1:38:51guys knew that, right? I'm being honest 1:38:53here. I'm tired, brothers and sisters,1:38:55of being under a microscope. That's how 1:38:57I felt. I was tired. It finally cracked 1:38:59me. It finally cracked me. All the 1:39:02people talking about me, all the 1:39:04people, all that. And I can't go. Like I 1:39:06said, right? like me like like that that 1:39:08that song, right? It feels like it it's 1:39:11been like a full-time job not to kill 1:39:14people genuinely. That's how I felt.1:39:17It's been a full-time job. This is not 1:39:19even people who call me heretic. That's 1:39:21not an issue. There are people out there 1:39:23in my hood who are like that. Who I'm 1:39:25like, I could slide on you right now. I 1:39:27slide on your mom and your sister, fool.1:39:29Straight up. I'll do it all right now.1:39:32Understand? And I'll die by, you know,1:39:34death by cop. I have thoughts like this,1:39:36too. Crazy thoughts, guys. Genuinely,1:39:38you think you're crazy. I'm way crazier 1:39:40than you. I'll just do it all. I'll take 1:39:42everybody with me. I ain't tripping. And 1:39:44I'll die. That's not an issue to me. I'm 1:39:48not scared to die. Genuinely, I'm not.1:39:50But then right then and there, I thought 1:39:52about it as Pastor John called me, calm 1:39:55me down. Pastor Kim, too, calm me down 1:39:58and said, "Johnny, when were you ever a 1:40:00good person? You're only good because 1:40:02of" And I'm like, "I don't think I'm 1:40:03good." No, no, no. Let me show you why 1:40:05you think you're good. Let me explain.1:40:07You think because you pour into your 1:40:08convers congregation, which you do. He 1:40:10said, pastor came straight up was like,1:40:11you do pour into your congregation more 1:40:13than even I pour into people. He said 1:40:15it. I'll give you that. I'm not just 1:40:17telling you that. I genuinely know that.1:40:19I have a Bible class of 100 people. You 1:40:20have a Bible class of 927 people. Last 1:40:23week, he was in Bible class with me,1:40:24right? Cammed down obviously, but he was 1:40:26there. He saw it. He goes, "I can't even 1:40:30do this." But Johnny, you have this 1:40:33heart of what? I I bled for y'all, man.1:40:36How come you ain't respecting me? Do you 1:40:39understand? He said, "That's a good 1:40:41heart." And that's why condemnation 1:40:43comes. He says, "You're condemned 1:40:46because you're good, not because you're 1:40:48actually evil." If you were evil, you 1:40:50would go, "Nah, well, they didn't 1:40:51respect me, so they don't they don't 1:40:53need to respect me, and you would be 1:40:55okay." But the fact that you sat there 1:40:57Januito and you thought because you bled 1:41:00for people because you tried your best 1:41:03because all you care about is souls that 1:41:05somehow they have to respect you. They 1:41:08don't have to sit there and spread false 1:41:09narratives about you or even true 1:41:11narratives. Johnny, I don't give a f 1:41:13about your past. I don't care about what 1:41:15what people are saying online about you.1:41:17I don't care about this, that, and the 1:41:18other. I don't care about that.1:41:20What I see is as evil as he said, "You 1:41:24make me believe in God more." I said,1:41:27"What? You make me believe in God more."1:41:30I said, "What do you mean, Pastor Kim?1:41:31How do I make you believe in God more?"1:41:33Because as a a PE, he straight up said 1:41:35it right. Like, like means As 1:41:40shitty of a human being as you are, God 1:41:44still uses a person like you. That's how 1:41:46I know God is real. And that's how I 1:41:50know that God is a true loving God 1:41:52because yes, Johnny, I never said you 1:41:54weren't a piece of garbage. You somehow 1:41:56forgot about that. You need to 1:41:58understand this part. And obviously, I 1:42:00bursted out into tears and cried my eyes 1:42:03out. This was a week ago. And I was able 1:42:06to think, oh, how shameful.1:42:09The reason why I felt condemned was cuz 1:42:10Satan is going, you're good. You need to 1:42:13act good. And because you're not good,1:42:15because you're not good, Johnny, you 1:42:18need to leave. You're no longer the 1:42:20standard anymore. You're not set to lead 1:42:22anymore. You're abusing authority.1:42:25You're you're you're, you know, being 1:42:26evil. You're being lustful. Get the f 1:42:29out. And honestly, I was like, heard,1:42:31fool. Notice, salute. Finally, I could 1:42:34leave. Yeah. And if I die, I die. If I 1:42:36kill myself, I kill myself. So what?1:42:38Understand? Genuinely, I had that heart 1:42:40posture. It w I was so close, brothers 1:42:43and sisters. God is my witness. Strike 1:42:45me down if I'm lying. I was so close to 1:42:47abandoning it. Abandoning abandoning it 1:42:50all because Satan was heavily attacking 1:42:52me, telling me you're nothing. You suck,1:42:55bro. Seriously, you suck. And if you run 1:42:57away and you you can still preach the 1:43:00gospel. You can move to this place or 1:43:01that and preach the gospel there and 1:43:02just like keep it small because you like 1:43:04to you you still love the gospel. He was 1:43:06trying to do this to me. And like I 1:43:09said, I realized Satan cannot stop me.1:43:13He can only make me forfeit. Satan 1:43:16cannot stop me, brothers and sisters,1:43:18but he can make me give things up,1:43:20right? If if if that day I quit, I shut 1:43:23down the Discord, literally blocked all 1:43:26everybody, took all the money that I 1:43:28had, and just retired somewhere, which I 1:43:31can, right? Maybe not here in freaking,1:43:34you know, capitalist California, but in 1:43:36other countries where my dollar 1:43:38stretches, I can and just fall off the 1:43:40face of the earth and none of you guys 1:43:41will be able to find me, right? I got 1:43:44homies who can make fake passports, all 1:43:45that. You'll never know where I'm at.1:43:49And I just live out my life and die like 1:43:52that. I could, right? Oh, we'd find you 1:43:55[laughter]1:43:56probably, right? Okay. Cuz you guys are 1:43:59all smart people here. But for me, I'm 1:44:01saying if I did that, that seemed more 1:44:06palatable for me at that time. It was 1:44:08more something I was leaning towards.1:44:10And that's why I'm sorry, guys. I owe 1:44:12every one of you guys an apology 1:44:15that I thought I was a good person.1:44:18Again, even me in 10 years into this 1:44:21ministry, I can fall into myself, too.1:44:23Because when people are around you and 1:44:25they all just start to tell you, "I 1:44:26don't like you. I hate you. I don't f 1:44:28with you no more, bro. I'm good. Like 1:44:30when homies turn their backs on me,1:44:33within this last month, I've had like 1:44:35over 10 people turn their backs on me 1:44:37completely and just tell me like, "Hey,1:44:39you know what? I don't f with you, bro.1:44:42Like, when I see you, like three of the 1:44:43fools was like, when I see I'mma kill 1:44:44you." You know, it's like you guys don't 1:44:46understand how much it it's not as 1:44:48simple as saying, "Oh, God will take 1:44:49care of it." Like, if you say that, you 1:44:51really don't know what spiritual life is 1:44:52about. Oh, you know, God will take care 1:44:54of it. Try step in my shoes, honestly,1:44:56and try to live this way. You'll get 1:44:58smoked. You can't even deal with your 1:44:59freaking own anxiety. Imagine some three 1:45:02people who you know are murderers coming 1:45:04after you. Trust me, it's not it's not 1:45:07you understand what I'm saying. I also 1:45:08had to move. I had to move in certain 1:45:10ways that you guys will never understand 1:45:12genuinely to then sit there and go, you 1:45:14know what, I'm good. Like, and then to 1:45:16have all of this on top of that, people 1:45:18saying heretics and things like that.1:45:19I'm just being honest here, guys. I'm 1:45:22I'm surprised that I didn't quit. And 1:45:23Pastor Kim said that, too. He goes,1:45:25"Johnny,1:45:27even if you quit, which I love him for,1:45:30I'm thankful that at least within the 1:45:32year, year and a half that you did this,1:45:34you led many souls to salvation, but it 1:45:37would be a pity, Johnny, cuz I think you 1:45:40can lead millions." And I think 1:45:42genuinely, I know your heart, Johnny,1:45:44that you want to build a church in every 1:45:46state, too. I know your heart. It would 1:45:48be such a pity, Johnny,1:45:51if you forfeit this.1:45:54if you forfeit this because 1:45:58solely off of the idea that people don't 1:46:00respect you or people don't love you.1:46:02Johnny, no one loves you. Even I cannot 1:46:05love you. But he showed me Romans 1:46:078:31-33.1:46:09And he said, Johnny,1:46:11God loves you so much that he forgave 1:46:15you by sending his own son. What shall 1:46:19we say to these things? If God be for 1:46:22us, who can be against us? As he said,1:46:24he that spared not his own son,1:46:28but delivered him for all of us, how 1:46:31shall he not with him also freely give 1:46:35us all things,1:46:37Johnny?1:46:39Yeah, you have a spotty past. Yeah,1:46:42you're evil. Yeah, you're a liar. Yeah,1:46:44you're a manipulator.1:46:45You know what else he said? Me, too.1:46:49That's what really calmed me down when 1:46:52he said that. Me too. What? Pastor,1:46:55you're not a manipulator. You're not a 1:46:56liar. You're not You're not a cheater.1:46:58You're not a lustful p. Of course I am.1:47:02Of course I What do you mean? Of course 1:47:03I am. In front of God, I am. I am all 1:47:07those things. Okay, maybe I don't act it 1:47:09out, but that doesn't mean anything.1:47:12He's like, Johnny, you've read the 1:47:13Bible. Like, he had to check me, right?1:47:14It's like you've read the Bible enough,1:47:16bro, to know that what you do in your 1:47:19heart is what you actually do outside.1:47:22Don't think just like this world teaches 1:47:24you if you keep it inside it's okay, but 1:47:26in your heart if you do it, you've 1:47:27already did it. You know, he's like,1:47:29I've cheated on my wife multiple times.1:47:31I'm like, what? Not physically, but in 1:47:33my heart, yes. I've wanted my wife to 1:47:36die and be like, dang, when is she going 1:47:37to die so I could freaking have another 1:47:39wife, better one than her? I've done it 1:47:43all. I've murdered people. When I 1:47:45thought about that, I was like, whoa.1:47:47So, Johnny, do you know why I can't I 1:47:49can't I can't judge you? Because I'm 1:47:52worse than you according to the Bible.1:47:54If I judge you, then I would be worse 1:47:55than you. Sheesh. And then he said,1:47:59"Condemnation 1:48:00only comes to people who are good."1:48:04Because Satan can only work that way. If 1:48:06you're a piece of garbage, then you're 1:48:08going to be like, "What? What do you 1:48:09expect? I'm a piece of garbage." Hello.1:48:13then it levels the playing field. But 1:48:15when you're like, "Come on, Johnny.1:48:16You've studied for 10 years. You need to 1:48:18be able to unlock things for people and 1:48:20and and you they need to respect you 1:48:22because you gave them salv." When you do 1:48:24this, it's aka what you're screaming is,1:48:26"I'm good. I'm good. I'm good."1:48:28And now Satan can go, "See, no one loves 1:48:31you. Then leave." And it's so true. You 1:48:35know, it took me 10 years to learn that.1:48:37I learned that last week. I've been 1:48:39studying the Bible for how long? And 1:48:40right there off the back end, Satan 1:48:42tries a word again. Bro, it took you 10 1:48:45years to learn that condemnation is only 1:48:46for good people, not for wicked people.1:48:50Look at him. Look at how he's always 1:48:51there trying to catch that home run 1:48:53again, trying to lay you out again.1:48:55Damn. It took you 10 years. You should 1:48:57still leave though. It took you 10 years 1:48:59to freaking do that. And I sat there and 1:49:01I said, you know what, Satan? If it 1:49:03takes me a hundred years and that's what 1:49:04it is, I mean, what the hell? I I it 1:49:07took me the the fact that it took me 10 1:49:09years is pretty good. I'm freaking 1:49:10borderline an idiot. So the fact that I 1:49:13could learn this even in 10 years is why 1:49:15do I have to see the half it as half 1:49:17empty? Why? It's half full. I'm not a 1:49:20person who can learn about God anyways.1:49:22The fact that I got to this position,1:49:24why am I not thankful about that?1:49:26Because I'm good. I thought I needed to 1:49:28know more. That's why. And so I told 1:49:31Satan straight up, I'm nothing.1:49:33I ain't respectfully.1:49:36Understand? I'm only good because of the 1:49:39blood. And so, yeah, if people say stuff 1:49:42about me, if he he broke my heart, he 1:49:44did. Yes, 100%. I did all of that and 1:49:46I'm messed up for that. However, that he 1:49:49shot at me, he put me in a wheelchair. I 1:49:50did. I did genuinely.1:49:53So then, why what is the issue if I just 1:49:55acknowledge that versus 1:49:58No, no, I I I promise you it was. No,1:50:01man. Forget that. I'm not I'm not going 1:50:02to recant anything. I'm evil and I'm 1:50:06only good because of God. Now, brothers 1:50:08and sisters, isn't that all of us,1:50:09though? And if you can learn this, I 1:50:12promise you, you will be so much more 1:50:13free. Daily devotions are back and 1:50:15they're in your email. Every single day,1:50:17I start with the word of God. And I 1:50:19share that with you guys so that you can 1:50:21also have the same peace, hope, and 1:50:22happiness that I move forward throughout 1:50:24the day. Every morning, I send you a 1:50:26piece of scripture and an explanation to 1:50:28help you with your spiritual walk.1:50:29There's nothing more powerful than 1:50:31starting your day with the word of God.1:50:32This quick two minutes each morning will 1:50:34set you up for the rest of your day.1:50:36These are 100% free. So if you want to 1:50:38sign up for the emails, link in the 1:50:40description. None of us deserve 1:50:41happiness and peace. I realize that. I 1:50:43realized that last week for the very 1:50:45first time. Truly, truly, truly, that 1:50:48condemnation only comes for good people.1:50:50That good people deserve condemnation.1:50:54That's why Pharisees are in hell. Every 1:50:56form of struggle we have is because 1:50:58we're good. Hey, I deserve this. Hey,1:51:00you should exalt me. Why? because you're 1:51:02good. But respectfully, you ain't 1:51:03nothing. You're nothing. You're nothing.1:51:07Until when are you going to realize that 1:51:08none of us are anything. And the only 1:51:11thing that makes sense is the gospel.1:51:14So, the times that I've spent with 1:51:15people, the times that people have done 1:51:17that, you know, and have did me dirty,1:51:19even my homies who did me dirty. I 1:51:20thought about it. Wasn't there good 1:51:22times with them? There was. There was 1:51:23times where like they did help me. There 1:51:25was times where like even one of them 1:51:27when I was suicidal helped me, believe 1:51:30it or not. And now he's turned on me.1:51:31Sure, but how thankful it is that he 1:51:33helped me during that time. How come I 1:51:35can't see it like that? Why do I have to 1:51:37see it as like you helped me and now you 1:51:39want to kill me? Like I'm going to get 1:51:40you. How come it can't be like, you know 1:51:42what, I'm a piece of garbage human being 1:51:44and he still helped me. Why can't I see 1:51:46it from a positive side? Why is it 1:51:48everything got to be negative? Because 1:51:50I'm broken. And why am I broken? Because 1:51:52I'm evil, but I think I'm good. That's 1:51:54why I'm broken. You guys aren't broken 1:51:56because you're evil. You're broken 1:51:58because you're evil and you think you're 1:51:59good. That's what I realized just last 1:52:02week genuinely. How thankful am I for 1:52:05the pastors? How thankful am I for them 1:52:08to correct me? And look, they have their 1:52:10blemishes, too. I've seen Pastor Kim 1:52:12straight up lie. Okay, but because of 1:52:14that, what if I see him as a wicked 1:52:16person? Is that an issue? If I see him,1:52:19let's say I seen him lustful. Is that a 1:52:22problem? That's what he's supposed to 1:52:23do. He even knows that. That's why he 1:52:26says, "I'm a different person on the 1:52:27pulpit than I am in the in the 1:52:29parsonage. I'm a different person when 1:52:31I'm on the pulpit than when I'm on the 1:52:33street." He's like, "You think we're the 1:52:34same, right? We're not the same when 1:52:36we're on the pulpit on the It's true.1:52:38It's that's facts. Behind closed doors,1:52:40when no one's around, you're really who 1:52:41you are, right?" And so I I love that 1:52:44about him, right? I know. He goes, "I 1:52:47can't have one-on- ones with just 1:52:48sisters." Why do you think he says that?1:52:50Because there's lust involved. Hello.1:52:53So, he knows that clearly about himself.1:52:56Pastor Park is the same way. He's old.1:52:59He's 82. He's having issues remembering 1:53:01certain things. Now, I noticed that even 1:53:04my own pastor. It's sad to see, right?1:53:06But it's true. And what does he say?1:53:08Every time I have a fellowship with a 1:53:10sister, I make sure that if it's just me 1:53:13and her, I try not [snorts] to be and 1:53:15her, but if I make sure if it is me and 1:53:16her to have all of the doors open to 1:53:19make sure that people can see us in in 1:53:22public or whatever it is, that's smart.1:53:24But why is he saying that? Because he 1:53:26realizes he's he's evil. He realizes 1:53:28he's lustful. And so, I was able to 1:53:31really see that about myself, too. And 1:53:33again, I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry that 1:53:36genuinely for it hasn't happened in a 1:53:38long time but I felt like I wanted to 1:53:40run away and I was sad. I was sad and I 1:53:44felt like I was having a panic attack 1:53:46again and I felt like I was just like 1:53:48dang I I I can't live. I can't die. I 1:53:51felt the same. As soon as I wanted to 1:53:52run away from church, those feelings 1:53:54came right back to me. And then I 1:53:56started to be thankful how it's been so 1:53:58long that I felt like this. And I really 1:54:01just like broke down in front of God. I 1:54:04said, "God, you know, yeah, I'm broken.1:54:06You know, I'm a piece of garbage. Why do 1:54:08you still want me? Why do you still want 1:54:11me?" It was during that time Pastor John 1:54:14called me. Like I said, God called me.1:54:18This is why I want you, Johnny. This is 1:54:20what I want you to learn. Now, that 1:54:21lesson is not just for me, brothers and 1:54:23sisters. It's for It's for you guys,1:54:26too. It's weird God's timing. You know,1:54:29you guys heard me cry earlier, and I 1:54:30don't want to cry again. I'm sorry. I 1:54:32got super emotional and choked up 1:54:34because it's true. It was as if God 1:54:36directly sent Pastor John to talk to me 1:54:38and go, "Hey, it's okay. I love you,1:54:40Johnny. And even if you were to leave,1:54:42Pastor John said, "Even if you leave,1:54:44Johnny, I'll always be praying for you 1:54:46cuz I love you." I hate crying. So, in 1:54:49this way, I hope you guys understand 1:54:51that whether you leave core of the heart 1:54:53or whether you leave God's side, just 1:54:56know that God always loves you 1:54:57regardless. And that's it. That's all I 1:55:00want you guys to understand that even me 1:55:03as a human, I can fall too. Trust me.1:55:06Please don't have expectations of me. I 1:55:08I can't. Satan attacks me a lot, guys.1:55:11He does. But one thing is God loves us.1:55:16You know, that's something I can't deny.1:55:18He loves us. He loves us so much. Even 1:55:21if all of you guys turn your back on me,1:55:23even if all of you guys don't love me,1:55:25God loves me. He never turn his back on 1:55:26me. And that same God is the same God.1:55:29Even if I leave you guys, even if I turn 1:55:31my back on you, even if I give up this 1:55:34congregation, which is very possible 1:55:37I it almost happened, you know, told 1:55:40Jeremy and them. They were shocked. They 1:55:41were scared. They were sad. They were 1:55:43straight up. He was like, "Bro, I don't 1:55:45I can't live without you." He straight 1:55:47up said, I was like, "What, bro? Are we 1:55:49freaking married? What the hell in what 1:55:51in the gay is this?" Like, I'm sorry to 1:55:53make a joke, but it's true. I was like,1:55:54"What, bro? What the hell's wrong with 1:55:55you? can't live with you. He was honest,1:55:59you know, basically you need to He's 1:56:01like, "Bro, you can't let this go, man."1:56:04And whatever, dude. And I realized,1:56:06yeah, amen. God is God is good. Of 1:56:10course, guys, I I feed them, too. Not 1:56:13me, but you know, I feed 33 people like 1:56:17like I'm talking about financially and 1:56:19then the rest of you guys spiritually.1:56:22How selfish was it? I really felt 1:56:24shameful at that time. But then I 1:56:25acknowledge myself. Ah,1:56:28I've only been able to get to my 1:56:30position because God has been holding on 1:56:31to me. If God doesn't hold on to me,1:56:33this is who I am. A person who runs 1:56:35away. A lasivous, lustful, angry,1:56:39hateful, jealous, uh, uh, uh, demanding,1:56:42uh, stubborn, uh, narcissistic 1:56:44tendencies, liar, manipulator, cheater,1:56:46backbiter,1:56:48uh, uh, covetter. All of First John, I'm 1:56:51sorry, 1 Corinthians chapter 6:9 and 10.1:56:54That's me. Genuinely, I was able to see 1:56:56that. But through all of that, God still 1:56:59chose us. Pastor Kim said, "Right,1:57:02through you, Johnny, I have more faith."1:57:04How can I make Pastor Kim have more 1:57:07faith? He had he made me have more 1:57:09faith, but he said because I know the 1:57:11person you are, Johnny, the Bible says 1:57:14so. And yet, and yet the beautiful thing 1:57:18is God still works. 900 plus people in 1:57:21your Bible class sta selling out shows.1:57:24You could do stadiums if you want to.1:57:27Like, how can you tell me that God isn't 1:57:30love? I really experienced the love of 1:57:33God by watching you. That's what he 1:57:36said. I couldn't fathom it. My mind was 1:57:40blown when he said that. I understand 1:57:42it, but I couldn't grasp it. Now, I'm 1:57:45sure you guys can probably relate to 1:57:47that, too. I'm sure you guys look at me 1:57:49and go, "Man, dude, like God's working 1:57:51in him, so he's going to work." Like, I 1:57:53get that. But to have your mentor say 1:57:55that is it's a different level, brothers 1:57:57and sisters. And yes, guys, you think 1:57:59Satan's not going to want to tear us 1:58:01down, guys. He's going to want to tear 1:58:03us down. Even in our own congregation, I 1:58:05know people are going to message each 1:58:07other and you know what, Johnny's this 1:58:08and he's this and he's a I know. I 1:58:10already know. Go ahead. I am a person 1:58:12who's evil. If you look to me to be your 1:58:15savior and to be a certain way, I 1:58:17cannot.1:58:18Rather, I can only point to God and the 1:58:21things that God has done in my life and 1:58:24I can only use examples and g 1:58:26allegorories and metaphors and stories.1:58:28That's all I can do. If you expect me 1:58:31not to be to to to not, you know, uh 1:58:34lust or you expect me not to I I I I'm 1:58:36sorry. I'm going to let you down. I'm 1:58:38going to let you down. Okay. The 1:58:41temptation for me is a lot different 1:58:42level than you guys. I think most of you 1:58:44guys and I'm not trying to excuse this 1:58:46but would have folded in my position.1:58:48Honestly, you would have folded.1:58:50Understand? Seriously, for the from the 1:58:52amount of money that's coming to the 1:58:54amount of women that's coming to the 1:58:56amount of pride that's coming to the 1:58:57amount of praise that's coming, it's not 1:59:00as easy as going distrust your thoughts,1:59:01guys. Okay? You also have to be at a 1:59:04certain position. That's why God blesses 1:59:06people. He's not going to give me this 1:59:07to ruin me. God doesn't ruin people. You 1:59:10guys have to also respect the fact that 1:59:12God gave this to me so that because he 1:59:14sees something in it, right? He's going 1:59:15to utilize it. And I'm over here, I feel 1:59:18shameful, I must say, a godly remorse,1:59:20not a con condemnation, but a 1:59:22conviction. Dang, Johnny, you try to 1:59:24throw all of this away, too. What the 1:59:25hell is wrong with you because you you 1:59:28think you're good. I am not good today.1:59:30I rebuke that. And today, I genuinely 1:59:32accept that that I'm not. And I hope 1:59:34that you guys, too. Don't expect that of 1:59:38me, but just let's walk on a journey 1:59:40together, okay? We're all trying to 1:59:42figure it out, man. Okay? We're all 1:59:45trying to figure it out, brothers and 1:59:46sisters. All right? I'm sorry, man, if I 1:59:48let you down in some kind of way. I'm 1:59:50sorry. Genuinely, I'm genuinely sorry.1:59:52And trust me, I wanted to off myself 1:59:54because of it. I wanted to leave because 1:59:56of it. I wanted to literally run away 1:59:57because of it. And if you guys want me 2:00:00to do that respectfully, I'll take a 2:00:01vote. If you guys want me to, I'll 2:00:03leave. I'll give up my congregation 2:00:04because I believe you guys have the Holy 2:00:06Spirit, too. If you want me to leave,2:00:08honestly, I will. I will quit preaching 2:00:10the gospel and I'll die because that's 2:00:12what I deserve anyways. Straight up, I 2:00:14will. I promise you on everything that I 2:00:15love. If you guys more than enough 2:00:17people go, you know what? I want you to 2:00:18quit. Get the f out of here. I will 2:00:19leave. I will cuz I don't want to be 2:00:21here, too. Honestly, I will. I honor 2:00:24that. I honor that cuz I I respect you 2:00:26guys genuinely from everything from the 2:00:29app to everything. Like, I'm only 2:00:31pushing this out because you guys asked 2:00:32me to. You guys saying you I should 2:00:34start a podcast. You guys saying that I 2:00:35should do that. I've always tried to 2:00:36listen to you guys. You guys said please 2:00:38do daily devotionals. It would be 2:00:39amazing. I do that. You guys telling me,2:00:41"Hey, we should do this. We should do 2:00:42that." I try my best to follow you guys.2:00:45I try my best to serve you guys. Now, I 2:00:48can't always serve perfectly, okay? I'm 2:00:50sorry, but I'm going to try my best,2:00:51okay? And I appreciate you guys for 2:00:53wanting me to stay, but please 2:00:55understand that and please pray for me.2:00:57Satan attacks me. He's trying to cut me 2:01:00off so that you guys don't get fed.2:01:02That's what it is at the end of the day.2:01:03I can sense it. I just feel it. It's 2:01:06just happening. It's going to happen 2:01:07more. It's going to be worse.2:01:09But guys, I hope you guys like I see you 2:01:11guys. I hope you guys see me. We're 2:01:12family. All I can say is I'm sorry to 2:01:15you guys. And I really mean that. I wish 2:01:17I could lead like Pastor Kim. Oh god, I 2:01:19wish I could lead like him.2:01:22I wish I could lead like him. No,2:01:24honestly, he's so good. He's so good. I 2:01:27suck, man. I'm not. I feel bad for every 2:01:30one of you guys. You know why? Cuz you 2:01:32guys don't have a Pastor Kim. I was 2:01:33lucky enough to have a Pastor Kim. You 2:01:35guys don't have him. I suck compared to 2:01:37him. I'm 1%. He's 100% I'm 1%.2:01:40Seriously. And I'm sorry. Honestly, I'm 2:01:43sorry. Genuinely, I'm sorry. I feel for 2:01:46you guys, man. That you have to have a 2:01:47stupid, evil, conniving, whatever,2:01:49whatever I am to lead you guys. I I 2:01:52genuinely I wish I could lead you guys 2:01:54the best. I'm not I'm not fishing for 2:01:56none of that. I'm serious with you guys.2:01:58I'm sorry.2:02:00All right, guys. I really hope that you 2:02:02guys can, you know, and I pray for your 2:02:05guys' growth. You know, I pray for your 2:02:08guys' growth. And so, I hope that, you 2:02:12know, whatever God's working in this and 2:02:14and doing in this, I hope that he does 2:02:17that. But genuinely, guys, I I I don't 2:02:19think I can lead you guys well. I don't 2:02:22think I can. And that's just the real 2:02:23and I think that's probably what's going 2:02:25to keep me from from getting 2:02:26high-hearted. Understand? I think that's 2:02:29what's actually going to keep me to be 2:02:30able to lead you guys because I know 2:02:31that when you guys do grow, I can't take 2:02:33credit for that. I'm not a good person,2:02:36guys. Amen. I'm not. No, genuinely.2:02:40Genuinely, I can't lead you guys to the 2:02:42best of your ability to my ability. I I 2:02:45wish you guys would not struggle with 2:02:46your depression, not struggle with your 2:02:48anxiety still, right? Amen. But I I I 2:02:52also can't do that. I'm trying. Okay.2:02:55And um please pray for me. I need a lot 2:02:57of prayers, too. Genuinely, guys, I need 2:03:01a lot of prayers. All right, guys. I 2:03:04love you guys and uh 2:03:07you know, I hope you guys were found 2:03:09this fruitful. I appreciate you guys.2:03:12Okay, please have a good day. See you 2:03:14guys later. pipe.

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