Transcript of Ellen's in Bruno Mars' Ear
TheEllenShow
0:01- SO BRUNO MARS IS IN
HIS DRESSING ROOM RIGHT NOW0:02WAITING FOR A NURSE
THAT WE HAVE.0:03WE HAVE HIDDEN CAMERAS
IN HIS DRESSING ROOM.0:05HE HAS AN EARPIECE.0:06HE'S GOT TO SAY WHATEVER I TELL
HIM TO SAY TO THE NURSE,0:09AND, BRUNO, WHEN SHE COMES IN,0:11JUST--FIRST THING,
JUST WHEN SHE COMES IN,0:13JUST SAY, "THANKS FOR COMING,"0:14AND "DO YOU MIND TAKING
YOUR SHOES OFF?"0:16THAT'S THE FIRST THING.0:17- GOT IT.
- OKAY.0:19[knocking]0:21- COME IN.0:25HI, HOW ARE YOU?0:27COULD YOU TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF,
PLEASE?0:29- WHAT?
- THAT'S A NO--0:31- NO-SHOE ZONE.
- NO-SHOE ZONE.0:33- OH, I'M SORRY.
- DO YOU MIND?0:34- AS A NURSE,
I NEED TO KEEP MY SHOES ON.0:35- DO YOU MIND?0:36- I'M SORRY?0:38- I'M SORRY?
WHAT?0:40- AS A NURSE,
I NEED TO KEEP MY SHOES ON.0:41- OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU'RE A NURSE.0:43- OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU'RE A NURSE.0:44- OKAY.
- OKAY.0:45- OKAY, I'M BRUNO.0:46- I'M BRUNO.0:47- NICE TO MEET YOU.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.0:49- WELL, ACTUALLY,
WHEN I'M NOT ONSTAGE,0:50MY NAME IS RAMON.0:52- WELL, ACTUALLY,
WHEN I'M NOT ONSTAGE,0:54MY NAME IS RAMON.0:55- OH.0:56- YOU CAN CALL ME RAMON.0:58- BUT YOU--
SO YOU CAN CALL ME RAMON.1:00- RAMON?
- YES.1:01- OKAY.1:02- OKAY, AND YOUR NAME IS?
- AND YOUR NAME IS?1:03- MY NAME IS DEBORAH.
- DEBORAH.1:04- DEBORAH.
- TELL ME ABOUT YOUR TRAINING.1:06HOW MUCH TRAINING DO YOU HAVE?1:07- CAN YOU TELL ME
ABOUT YOUR TRAINING?1:08- OKAY.1:09- HOW MUCH TRAINING HAVE YOU
HAD?1:10- WELL, PRETTY MUCH,
I WENT TO SCHOOL--1:14IT'S ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF.1:15- MM.
- MM.1:17- I'M LICENSED BY THE STATE
OF CALIFORNIA.1:18- OKAY.
- OKAY, YOU SEEM NICE.1:20- YOU SEEM NICE.
- OH, THANK YOU.1:21- SO JUST THE ONE NURSE
THEY SENT, RIGHT?1:24- JUST THE ONE NURSE THEY SENT?1:25- YES.
- OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.1:26- OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.1:27- I'M FEELING
SOMETHING IN MY THROAT,1:28AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.1:29- WAS I SUPPOSED TO ASSESS YOU?1:31- YEAH, I'M FEELING
SOMETHING IN MY THROAT,1:32AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.1:33- OKAY.1:35- I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO TOUCH
ME, THOUGH.1:36- I JUST DON'T WANT YOU
TO TOUCH ME, THOUGH.1:37- OH.
THAT'S FINE.1:39- OKAY.
- OKAY, UM...1:40ARE YOU ABLE TO SWALLOW OKAY?1:42- NO, I HAVE NOT SWALLOWED
SINCE THE SUPER BOWL.1:44- NO, I HAVEN'T--I HAVEN'T
SWALLOWED SINCE THE SUPER BOWL.1:49- IT'S LIKE A--I HAVE, LIKE, A
CHIP IN MY MOUTH OR SOMETHING.1:51- LAST WEEK, OR?1:53- IT'S LIKE I HAVE A CHIP
IN MY MOUTH OR SOMETHING.1:55- I HAD A CHIP DURING HALFTIME.1:56I HAD A--EITHER A CHEX MIX, OR--1:59- I HAD A CHIP DURING HALFTIME.
- OH, YEAH.2:00- IT WAS EITHER CHEX MIX...2:01- OR A DORITO.
- OR DORITO...2:03- OR A FRITO.
- FRITO.2:04- PRINGLE.
- OKAY.2:05- PRINGLE.
- IT WAS NOT A PRINGLE.2:08I WAS WANTING A PRINGLE,
BUT THEY DID NOT--2:10- I WAS WANTING A PRINGLE,
IT WASN'T A PRINGLE, ACTUALLY.2:11- THEY DID NOT GIVE ME PRINGLES,
AND I'D ASKED FOR THAT.2:13- THEY DIDN'T GIVE ME PRINGLES.
I ASKED FOR PRINGLES.2:14- NO PRINGLES
IN MY DRESSING ROOM.2:16- THERE WAS NO PRINGLES
IN MY DRESSING ROOM.2:18- WHY DO PRINGLES COME
IN A TENNIS BALL--2:19- WHY DO PRINGLES COME
IN TENNIS BALL CANS?2:22- LIKE, WHY DO THEY DO THAT,
DO YOU THINK?2:24- WHY DO YOU THINK THEY DO THAT?2:25- PROBABLY BECAUSE THE SHAPE
OF IT.2:27- OH, YOU'RE RIGHT,
YOU'RE RIGHT.2:28YOU'RE RIGHT.
- YOU'RE RIGHT.2:29YOU'RE RIGHT.
- YOU'RE RIGHT, THE SHAPE.2:31- OKAY, THIS HAPPENED ONCE
BEFORE WHEN I WAS IN CANADA.2:33- THIS HAPPENED ONCE BEFORE
WHEN I WAS IN CANADA.2:34- IT'S A FUNNY STORY, ACTUALLY.2:36- IT'S A FUNNY STORY,
ACTUALLY.2:37[audience laughter]2:46- ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS, THEN?2:49- OH, I WAS JUST THINKING IT
TO MYSELF.2:51- NO, I WAS JUST THINKING IT
TO MYSELF.2:53- OH, GOT IT.2:54- YOU HAD TO BE THERE.
- YOU HAD TO BE THERE.2:56- OH, OKAY.2:57- HOW MANY THROATS HAVE YOU
LOOKED AT?2:59- HOW MANY THROATS
HAVE YOU LOOKED AT?3:00- QUITE A FEW.3:02DOES IT--WOULD IT FREAK YOU OUT
IF I ACTUALLY TOUCH YOUR THROAT?3:05- YOU CAN TOUCH MY THROAT.
- TO CHECK IT?3:07- YOU CAN TOUCH MY THROAT.3:08- OKAY, DO YOU MIND
WITH MY HANDS,3:10OR WOULD YOU RATHER ME PUT
A GLOVE ON OR SOMETHING3:12IF IT FREAKS YOU OUT?3:13- TWO GLOVES.
- CAN YOU PUT TWO GLOVES ON?3:15- THAT'S FINE.3:18- DID YOU SEE ME ON
THE SUPER BOWL, BY ANY CHANCE?3:21- DID YOU SEE ME ON THE SUPER
BOWL, BY ANY CHANCE?3:24- NO, I DON'T WATCH
THE SUPER BOWL.3:25- OH, I NAILED IT.
- I NAILED IT.3:29- IT WAS SO GOOD.
- IT WAS SO GOOD.3:32- SO, SO GOOD.
- SO, SO GOOD.3:34- [singing] OH, YEAH, YEAH
- [singing] OH, YEAH, YEAH3:37- OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH
- OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH3:39- ANYWAY.
- ANYWAY.3:42- WHY DID YOU GO
ON THE SUPER BOWL?3:44- WHY DID I GO
ON THE SUPER BOWL?3:46- WHY DID I GO ON THE SUPER
BOWL?3:47- WHAT WERE YOU DOING ON--
WHAT DID YOU DO?3:48- I SANG.3:50- I MEAN, I'M NOT FAMILIAR
WITH IT.3:51- OH, I SANG.3:52- I THOUGHT IT WAS
JUST FOOTBALL.3:53- OH, OKAY.
- YEAH, NO, I DIDN'T PLAY.3:54- NO, I DIDN'T PLAY.3:55- I JUST--I SANG.
- I SANG.3:57- OH, OKAY.3:58- I'M BRUNO MARS.
I DON'T HAVE A FRAGRANCE.4:00YOU DON'T KNOW ME 'CAUSE I DON'T
HAVE A FRAGRANCE.4:02- I'M BRUNO MARS.
I DON'T HAVE A FRAGRANCE.4:04THAT'S PROBABLY WHY YOU DON'T
KNOW ME.4:05- OH.4:07- YOU KNOW WHAT HURTS THE MOST?4:09WHEN I GO BEEP, BEEP, BEEP,
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.4:13- YOU KNOW WHAT HURTS THE MOST?4:14IS WHEN I GO BEEP, BEEP, BEEP,
BEEP.4:17- LIKE A TRUCK BACKING UP.
- LIKE, BEEP, BEEP.4:19IT'S LIKE A TRUCK BACKING UP.4:20- BACK UP WHEN YOU DO THAT.
STAND UP AND BACK UP.4:22- IT'S LIKE WHEN I'M GOING
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.4:27- YEAH.4:28[cheers and applause]4:35- AND, ALSO, IT HURTS WHEN I GO,
KA-KA!4:40- IT HURTS WHEN I GO...4:41[caws]4:42[audience laughter]4:48- OKAY, HOW LONG AGO
DID THIS START?4:50- UM, LIKE,
AROUND THE SUPER BOWL TIME.4:52- LIKE,
AROUND THE SUPER BOWL TIME.4:53- JUST SUPER BOWL?4:54- YEAH.
- AFTER THAT.4:55AFTER YOU ATE A CHIP?4:57- YES.
- YES.4:58- HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR DOCTOR
AFTER THAT?5:00- I DON'T HAVE A DOCTOR.
- I DON'T HAVE A DOCTOR.5:04- OKAY.5:06YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TO THE DOCTOR
BEFORE?5:07- NOPE.
- NOPE.5:09- START CRYING.5:11- MAYBE IT'S TIME TO...
- [sniffles]5:14- CRY. JUST...5:15- [sniffling]5:17[audience laughter]5:27- OH, IT HURTS SO BAD.5:30- [crying]
IT HURTS SO BAD.5:31- RAMON IS SAD.
RAMON IS SAD.5:34- [crying]
RAMON IS SAD.5:38- I'M SORRY.5:44- OKAY, YOU CAN START
FEELING BETTER NOW.5:46- AH, I FEEL BETTER.5:48- EVERYTHING'S FINE?5:49- [sighs]5:51- [laughs]5:54- YOU DON'T HAVE ANY PAIN?5:56- NO, I'M COMPLETELY FINE.5:57- I'M COMPLETELY FINE.
- IT'S WEIRD.5:59- IT'S WEIRD.
- WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?6:00WHAT DID YOU DO?
- WHAT DID YOU DO?6:02- NOTHING.6:03- YOU'RE SO GOOD.
- YOU'RE SO GOOD.6:05- YOU'RE SO GOOD.
- YOU'RE SO GOOD.6:06YOU'RE GOOD.6:07YOU...
- YOU ARE GOOD.6:09GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.6:10- YOU ARE GOOD.6:12- GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
- GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.6:14GOOD, GOOD.6:16- YOU ARE GOOD.
- YOU'RE GOOD.6:18- THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
- THANK YOU.6:19- THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
- THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.6:22- NO PROBLEM.
I'M GLAD YOU'RE FEELING BETTER.6:23- OKAY.
- OKAY.6:24- I'M HERE, ACTUALLY--
YOU KNOW THE SHOW, RIGHT?6:26"THE ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW"?
- IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?6:28- YOU KNOW "THE ELLEN DEGENERES
SHOW," RIGHT?6:29- YEAH.
- YEAH.6:30- YEAH.
- WELL, YOU'RE ON IT RIGHT NOW.6:31- YEAH.
- WELL, YOU'RE ON IT RIGHT NOW.6:33- THERE'S CAMERAS IN HERE.
- THERE'S CAMERAS HERE.6:34HERE, HERE, HERE.6:35- SHE WAS TELLING ME
WHAT TO SAY.6:37- AND SHE WAS TELLING ME
WHAT TO SAY.6:38[laughter]6:41SAY HI TO EVERYBODY
AT HOME.6:42SAY HI TO EVERYBODY AT HOME.6:43YOU GOT TO SAY HI TO EVERYBODY
AT HOME.6:45WASN'T SHE GREAT?6:47- WE'LL BE BACK.
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